


Kitchen Sink

by Silent_kill_joy



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Josh is sweet, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Self-Harm, Sorry Not Sorry, Sorry if i never update, Triggers, Tyler just needs love, We need fluff in the clique, blurry face is a jerk, blurryface because who else, its darker than I thought it would be, sombody else write some please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-09-01 00:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8600743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silent_kill_joy/pseuds/Silent_kill_joy
Summary: Tyler always told his Demons to leave him alone.He just never realized he was saying it out loud.





	1. Nobody Thinks What you Think

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy this fren |-/

“Tyler this could help you, just be nice.”

 

Tyler's mom is not a bad person, and Tyler loves her, but right now Tyler thinks she is ridiculous.

 

“Tyler, are you even listening to me?” Tyler grits his teeth and considers opening the car door and letting himself fall out. Of course he's listening, has been for the past hour.

 

'Yeah Tyler, why don't you stop being such a failure.' Blurry face smirks and Tyler tenses.

 

“I know mom, I just-”

 

“No Tyler, actually listen, you need to talk to people, you can't always sit in your room talking to people on the internet, most of them are probably stalkers any way.” Tyler sighs, his mom never let him get through a sentence, it was better just to stay quiet, but he didn't want to.

 

'You're such a failure, y'know that? Why don't you be normal like the rest and make real friends and speak normal sentences to normal people instead of acting like a coward' Blurry face says sternly, mocking his moms voice.

 

“Can you just leave me alone? Please?” Tyler says softly as they finally pull into the parking lot. Tyler's mom huffs slightly but then sighs in defeat.

 

“Okay Tyler, I'll see you in an hour.” She says, her voice coming down from her loud lecturing tone.

 

'You're hopeless.'

 

Tyler couldn't even bring himself to care, he just nodded slightly and slid out of the car, letting the door slam shut behind him. He glanced up warily at the house in front of him. Mr. Dun, Tyler's therapist, lives there.

He had “asked” that Tyler come to his house for his appointments for some “reason” which his parents, nor any one else for that matter won't tell him. So Tyler's here, and he really doesn't want to be.

But apparently whatever Mr. Dun is saying has been 'helping', though Tyler's not so sure, he hasn't noticed any change, and he think he would have if there had been one.

 

Tyler rings the doorbell anyway, despite his misgivings, and tries not to scream while he waits for an answer.

It comes quick enough, in the shape of another boy about his age, with candy blue hair and a curious face.

 

Curious because it's sad and happy.

 

Tyler's never seen anything like it.

 

“Hi.” The candy blue boy says, giving Tyler a small, free smile.

 

“Hi.” Tyler says back, because that's what people do. 

 

Silence.

 

“Oh.” Candy blue boy looks like he suddenly understands, like a puzzle piece just fit in. “Are you here for an appointment with my dad?”

 

Tyler nods, “Yes.” he replies, his voice soft like it always is.

 

Josh nods like this is important. “Okay, come in please.”

 

Tyler does, seeing Josh and Mr. Dun and something else in the house around him, the walls fit them, and there's clutter around a coat rack.

 

“You're hair looks like easter and candy.” Tyler informs Josh quietly, because Josh should know this. Josh gives him another free smile, larger and happier this time.

 

“I know, I wanted to turn it red because then I could match my room and that'd be sick, but my mom said that might scare people so I decided to make my hair more friendly.” He tells Tyler and Tyler nods, because yes, his hair is more friendly this way.

 

“At least no one will mistake blue for fire like red would, and try to put out your hair.” He says considering.

 

Josh laughs and it make Tyler feel warm.

 

 

|-/Stay Alive|-/

 

  
“I just, I don't know, maybe she's really not interested and I should just break up and save us both the trouble.” Zack sighs heavily, leaning against Tylers bed at three in the morning, because Tyler never sleeps and Zack wants help.

 

Tyler shakes his head,

 

“No, she likes you. You don't give some one you don't like something that expensive. Besides, what if it does work out and you broke up for it now? There's going to be the same amount of heart break either way.” Tyler says, not looking up from his notebook. Zack nods slowly,

 

“I guess... hey thanks for listening man, now I think we could both use the sleep.” Zack says as he stretches, looking a little worriedly at Tyler.

 

'Yes, Tyler, why don't you sleep like a normal person would' hisses the third voice.

 

Tyler doesn't look up.

 

“Yeah, sure.” He mumbles,

 

“I'm serious dude, you need to get to sleep.” Zack says again, a little more forcefully.

 

'You're a freak, because only freaks don't sleep,' the voice cackles, gleeful and slippery.

 

“I will, just go away.” Tyler mutters, pencil still scratching comfortingly against paper.

 

“No, you need to sleep, like now.” Zack tries one more time.

 

'Freak, freak needs to sleep, lay down and meet me, why are you still trying to run.' The voice loves this and Tyler doesn't.

 

“I got it. Just leave me alone already.” Tyler snaps, finally glancing up at Zack with a fiery dark look in his eyes. Zack grits his teeth but nods, leaving Tyler to himself.

 

'Nice one, now you're alone like always, because nobody cares, they just leave. But I don't, I'll stay with you.' The voice doesn't leave, and Tyler is unsure what to think of his words.


	2. Think Things are After Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this~
> 
> Stay Alive |-/

Tyler keeps going to his appointments.

 

Tyler keeps seeing Josh. He likes it this way.

 

Josh plays the drums, and occasionally Tyler will hear him banging away as he has his session with Dr. Dun, in their quaint living room.

 

Dr. Dun doesn't seem to like the sound, but Tyler does.

 

Josh says he likes hearing Tyler's laugh. And BlurryFace doesn't ever comment.

 

That's Tyler's favorite part really, when Josh is near BlurryFace rolls his eyes and wanders away, he never brings him up later either. Josh is untouchable and Tyler loves that almost more than he loves seeing Josh light up with a laugh, or his free bright smiles.

 

His mom smiles at Tyler more to, and for some reason, she starts taking Tyler over earlier than his appointments so Tyler can sit with Josh. Strangely, Tyler doesn't mind.

 

“Joshua Dun, why are you sad?” Tyler asks softly, on one of said early visits.

 

Josh looks at him, his eyes are shinier than usual, and his smile isn't as bright as it was. He sighs eyes wandering away from Tyler to gaze out the window. They're sitting on Josh's bed, in his room and Josh is wearing make up, red smeared across his eyes, and Tyler thinks he looks really pretty. But sad, and that makes Tyler feel funny, like he just wants to hug Josh and take that sad look away.

 

Josh sighs again, “Because my Dad doesn't like my make up, he said I looked pathetic.” He says quietly, and Tyler frowns, that wasn't right.

 

“But you're not pathetic, it makes you look pretty.” He says, confused as to how his Dad could even think up such terrible words. Josh laughs, seeming surprised by Tyler's words.

 

“Thanks, you think I'm pretty?” He asks, a smile now tugging on his lips, and Tyler feels very proud to have helped put it there.

 

“The prettiest.” He says, smiling brightly at Josh

                                                                 |-/Stay Alive|-/

 

Tyler is home schooled, his parents say it's because he is 'academically gifted' and school would be 'a useless waste of time'. Blurry Face says it is because he is 'a freak' and 'to weak to even socialize with people' until he 'broke down like a baby'. Tyler agrees with Blurry Face on this one.

 

The only time he really sees other people are on his appointments or at church. He doesn't like church because the grown ups give him strange, side eye glances then whisper to one another as if he was deaf.

 

The kids there are no different, except they don't bother to hide it, openly alienating him, and the bigger boys take pride in coming up with any decent insult for Tyler.

 

Tyler thinks that maybe they are all on Blurry Faces side, because why would normal people feel the need to spread such hateful words.

 

He used to hate his appointments too, he hated feeling like he had to explain any of his thoughts, or having to tell Dr. Dun what Blurry Face said to him, or why he so often agreed with Blurry Face.

 

But he doesn't any more, because when he goes there he gets to see Josh, and occasionally Dr. Dun lets them spend extra time together instead of having his appointment.

 

Tyler thinks that's nice.

 

                                                                   |-/Stay Alive|-/

 

“Tyler!” The yell is surprised.

 

Why?

 

Tyler isn't sure, but he recognizes the voice as his younger sister and looks down at her with curiosity.

“Yeah?” He asks, watching his sisters Face contort from slightly horrified to confused.

 

“What are you doing on the roof?” She asks from her spot on the solid ground.

 

Tyler frowns, trying to remember, he wasn't entirely sure, their parents were both out for the evening and Zack was downstairs watching a movie so Tyler had been alone. His recollection of why he was out here was a little fuzzy, unsure why exactly, he had decided or when he had come out.

 

It seemed as if he had always been on the roof.

 

He had been trying to escape Blurry Face, he remembers, he had been all alone and Blurry Face had been following him around mocking and criticizing him endlessly, till he driven Tyler out of his window and to the roofs edge.

 

Tyler hesitates, wondering if he should tell his sister that, but remembers that talking about Blurry Face made his siblings uncomfortable so he just shrugged.

 

“I wanted to look at the stars?” he says, uncertainly.

 

His sister looks concerned, “Well, um, just, st-stay there, I'm coming up, okay? Don't, don't do anything.” She says quickly before heading inside their back door.

 

Tyler smiles with an agreeing nod and looks up, because he could at least look at the stars like he said he was going to. They are soft pinpricks the shine softly against the suffocating expanse of black sky.

 

Some how they bring Josh's smile to his mind and Tyler smiles at the thought, because these stars had nothing on his smile.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Tyler felt more than heard his sister cross the roof and settle down beside him, smaller and younger than he, yet she acted as if he were the one who needed protecting.

 

Tyler looked at her with a small, slightly bewildered smile. “Yeah.” He assured her, why wouldn't he be? Blurry Face wasn't out here, he was inside, in Tyler's warm bedroom, so Tyler was fine, obviously.

 

Madison nodded, “Good,” she murmurs, gazing at the stars, following Tylers example, and before long starts to softly sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, because she is amazing, just like Tyler already knew.

Tyler joins in and they sing it again and again and again, until they're both giggling and remembering times before they were both introduced to sadness and stress.

 

“So we have this new teacher at school right? And she replaced our old history teacher, y'know, the one I told you who looked like a cat impersonated and thought things were too loud if we even thought our own thoughts....” Madisons starts talking, nonsense yet important words, happy to tell some one about her day, and have them listen.

 

Describing the life Tyler never got, talking about friends, the drama club, teachers and the unfair amount of homework that they loved giving to their students. Talking until she had no words left, until she lapsed into silence beside Tyler and Tyler just stared at the stars, listening and caring, because this was his sister, and his sisters words were important, but also thinking.

 

Why hadn't he gotten school? Why was he so alienated from the world?

 

He felt an irrational anger towards his family flood him, irrational because it wasn't their fault he was such a failure, yet it was so easy to let himself blame them.

 

He wanted to yell and scream at Madison, be angry that she wasn't making the most of living Blurry Face free, scream that she had it so easy, and just shoved her off the roof so he would no longer have to deal with such an intense hatred.

 

“Tyler?” Madison's voice was soft, worried once again. What did she have to be worried about? She shouldn't even be up there.

 

“Are you okay? Tyler, talk to me.” Madison seemed even more concerned, why did she have to worry over him even when he felt angry at her, it wasn't right. She didn't deserve this. Yet her voice scraped like nails against his conscience.

 

“Go away.” He muttered, not looking at her, eyes staying stubbornly on the now dull seeming stars above.

 

“Tyler, what-” She started to ask, confused.

 

“I said go. Away.” Tyler growled, confusing Madison even more.

 

“But-” Her protest was cut off once again with an angry yell from Tyler.

 

“Go away! Just-just Leave me alone!” He yelled angrily, on his feet now, but not remembering standing up, fist balled tight and eyes narrowed in a glare. Behind Madison he saw the window to his room and Blurry Face sat right inside, giggling like the lunatic he was.

 

It just angered Tyler more. Madison looked close to scared now but she nodded slightly.

 

“Okay, I'll go inside, but you must to, then I leave you alone.” She said, and why she insisted Tyler go in was beyond him. He didn't want to Face him again, but if Madison would leave, he wouldn't feel the need to shove her off the roof any more so he nodded tightly in agreement.

 

She gave him a quavery smile, her eyes brighter than before, watery and worried as she slipped through the window, Tyler following after her, watching her leave with a dejected feeling. The anger draining out of him as the door clicked shut behind her.

 

'Well, that was certainly exciting, nothing better than proving what a terrible brother you are.' Blurry Face snickered.

 

Tyler flinched, the comment stinging with truth, he sighed shaking his head slightly sinking to floor and leaning back against the bed, staring at the ceiling in horror as words came flooding back to him, berating and mocking him for what he'd done.

 

He needed a distraction.

 

This was where he usually buckled under Blurry Faces gaze, pulling out the blade he despised, yet Blurry Face loved. Because when he did what Blurry Face wanted, Blurry Face shut up, left him alone, it was only when he started to disagree, to fight it, that Blurry Face taunted him so.

 

But something made him pause, the remaining anger perhaps, making him rebellious towards his demon, not wanting to just do as he wanted.

 

Instead he pulled out his phone, going to the only other thing that shut Blurry up. Josh.

 

Tyguy: 'You up?'

 

He texted hesitantly, ignoring Blurry's smile turning into a scowl.

 

For several long moments nothing happened, and Blurry Face started to look smug once more, then Tyler's phone dinged and Tyler's relief felt physically painful.

 

Jishwa: 'Always, what's up?'

 

Tyguy: 'I'm not feeling great, Blurry's being a jerk and I just wanted to talk to you, just, need some one to talk to right now..'

 

Tyler backspaced the text, he didn't want to scare Josh off.

 

Tyguy: 'Bored, wanna talk?'

 

Jishwa: 'Course, what about?'

 

Tyguy: 'Tell me something about you, or just whatever.'

 

Jishwa: 'Well, My names Joshua Dun, I'm sixteen and I like long walks to the fridge and I play the drums. You?'

 

Tyguy: 'You're a dork, but a pretty one. I'm Tyler Joseph, I like long nights spent sleeping and long naps, I play the piano and suck at making conversation.'

 

Jishwa: 'Wow, just my type, sassy and lazy! Jk, you're cool I swear, and conversations are over rated any way!'

 

Tyguy: “Ikr? I'll totally accompany you to the fridge if you'll bring me fuzzy blankets to sleep with.'

 

Jishwa: 'lol, I'll bring fuzzy blankets galore (look at that, I know words too!) '

 

Tyguy: 'Yes, you are very wise, you should be in collage already oh wise one, catch my sarcasm?'

 

Jishwa: 'Just barely, it almost passed right by me but I got it!'

 

Tyler was unaware exactly when he'd started grinning at his phone, or when Blurry had curled up, pouting at the foot of his bed, but he didn't care, because he had a fuzzy feeling much different than anger filling him and he really wanted to hug something.

 

Jishwa: 'Sorry dude, dad's yelling at me 'bout curfew, gotta sleep, see you next appointment?'

 

Tyguy: 'Of course'

 

Jishwa: 'Good, see you then, Good night Tyler Joseph.'

 

Tyguy: 'Goodnight Joshua Dun.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment below tell me what you think, I really love hearing what you all have to say <3
> 
> 'We're going to fast, fast Save us, We're going to fast, fast save us now...'
> 
> Stay Alive, Fren |-/


	3. I'm My Own Shrink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments!  
> Merry Christmas French <3

*Tyler was swinging his legs aimlessly beneath him, looking at the ground far below. Blurry Face sat beside him, words pouring out, but not the one he was now used to. No, this was the Blurry of his child hood, the friend who had been there when no one else was. He had been telling Tyler a story, something about a Pirate and an Astronaut, though the actual words were just out of Tyler's understanding. 

He knew that Blurry was talking, but he just couldn't quite hear him.

'Ooh, have you seen the new mythomagic set I got?' Little Tyler asked, his voice sounded young, happy almost, but with an edge, one that had always been there, ever since he could remember.

Emotions too strong for him to deal with having taken root fare before he understood what was going on. Blurry Face lit up with a smile, that was supposed to be as warm as his voice, yet, wasn't.

Tyler scrambled down the tree, and was some how in his room, digging out the cards from his drawer to proudly display to his best friend. To show him his prized collection. Blurry took them, looking over them curiously, suddenly looking sad, as Tyler started babbling to him.

'My parents got them for me, it's a really fun game and I can get friends an play it with them and have fun and it won't be scary!' Little Tyler said, oblivious to Blurry's quickly growing irritation that shaded his terror.

'You want other friends?' He asked slowly, and Tyler looked at him, confused as to why Blurry was no longer smiling.

'Yeah, then we could play mythomagic.' He said, and Blurry glared.

'I thought I was your friend.' He said, suddenly seeming to loom over Tyler and Tyler cowered, backing away.

'Stop, you're-you are my friend, please- don't be angry.' He whimpers, little Tyler, too naïve to know what to do, only scared because his happy best friend suddenly seems incredibly scary.

'Am I not good enough for you? No! No, you're not good enough for me! You don't deserve to be here! You're a faggot! And you're worthless, you don't deserve to live.' Blurry Face hisses, hands stained with black wrapping around Tyler's throat, stopping his breathing, leaving Tyler helpless

to do anything as the room started to swim around him, black dots dancing in front of his eyes.*

Tyler woke up gasping, hands clawing at his blankets and tears streaming from his eyes.

The nightmare wasn't the usual one, though nightmares weren't uncommon, but this one...this one had been different. He'd almost forgotten how nice Blurry used to be when it was just the two of them, when he was happy to do whatever Blurry asked of him, no question because he wanted to keep his only friend.

The dream terrified him even more than usual, leaving him shaking and sweating, almost sick asbhe buried his Face in his hands. Only looking up when he heard a soft laugh, brought in by what almost seemed to be a breeze. Though Blurry was no where to be seen, he could hear his voice inbthe air.

'How 'bout next time you pay attention to me, you don't need friends, they're only gonna find out what a freak you are and leave any way. No more friends, just you and me Tyler.' Blurry Face

hissed and Tyler could practically hear the 'or else' at the end of his sentence.

The dream had been a warning, he was sure of it.

Tyler sobbed, pulling the blanket back up around him and burying his Face in his pillow, but keeping his eyes wide open, too afraid to sleep.

Tyler didn't go to his appointment the next day. Too scared to face anybody. Spending the day huddled under his blanket, doing homework, comforted by the sound of pencil on paper. He doesn't dare leave his room.

He convinces his mom that he's sick, even making himself throw up during the day to make her believe his story. Fortunately or not, it's not hard to do, because he'd had a lot of practice.

Every few minutes his mind will wander to Josh and a sharp pang of sadness will hit him. He considers telling his mom it was all a lie, and getting her to take him to his appointment anyway. Then a cold blade of fear lances through him, squeezing his heart in a freezing grip and Josh will be paralyzed with fear for a few moments before refocusing on school, once again ignoring his thoughts.

His phone vibrates several times after his appointment time, but Tyler ignores it, afraid that it will be Josh and then he'll feel too guilty to not respond, to not crack under it and beg Josh to come over.

Blurry Face wasn't around though, apparently figuring Tyler deserved the silent treatment, and Tyler doesn't know if he liked being alone or with the demon more.

Yet he still doesn't leave his room, afraid that Blurry will come back, his moms gaze is sad when/she brings a plate of food from the family's supper up to him. Tyler doesn't know why she thinks he'll eat it. He barely eats anything when he's with them and feeling normal, and he doesn't feel normal right now.

He feels terrified.

When he's finished with home work he stares at the ceiling in despair, trying not to think. Not to think about his moms disappointment, Blurry face's threat, What a coward he was, but mostly Josh. He couldn't think about Josh.

The very thought of him hurt Tyler to the bone. Making him strangely achy inside.

He scrabbled under his bed to pull out his sketchpad and pencil, his pencil finding its own way over the paper as he tried to focus.

So preoccupied in focusing on one thing, he almost didn't notice his drawing as it flared up from the paper.

Josh, curly hair and dark make up was on one side, struggling feebly with and invisible hand around his throat. Blurry Fave stood not far from him, standing and looking like Tyler, except for his dark eyes and stained black hands and neck, a scary calm look as he strangled Josh, and behind him Tyler cowered in the corner, tied down by ropes and fear, unable to do anything but watch helplessly. Fresh tears pricked Tyler's eyes, fear making a come back. He couldn't let this happen, he needed to protect Josh.

He needed to stay away from Josh so that he wouldn't get hurt.

 

|-/staalive|-/

 

Zack held a finger to his lips, signaling for Madison to keep quiet as she crept towards where he stood, eavesdropping on their parents

 

Mr. Joseph was pacing, a scowl spread across his face, obviously not pleased and the in table covered in bills and expenses was clearly the reason why.

"This is ridiculous!"

"Chris please," Kelly Joseph watched her husband anxiously; she knew he was under stress, but he was worrying her.

"Theres no reason we should be paying for Tylers appointments, they obviously arent doing anything, hes up hiding in his room right now." Mr. Joseph raged, his wife frowned, 

"But Chris, he needs those appointments." She insisted quietly, tapping a pen nervously against the bill she had been poring over. 

“What for? Its not like hes been cutting his wrists, and the doctors never said there was anything actually wrong with him, hes just being a cry baby. Hell never grow up if you continue to baby him so." Mr. Joseph said, warming to his theme, "It will teach Tyler to get up and do stuff for himself, and cut out a big expense." He said decisively.

Mrs. Joseph bit her lip, hesitating, she knew that Tyler prized his visits to the Duns house, but her husbands decision was final.  
"We've already paid for this month, after that Ill cancel." She agreed quietly. 

Madison glanced at Zack with worry written over her face, both siblings couldnt say they were exactly close to their brother, he was strange and often went weeks without talking. Nevertheless, they were both fond of him, and he was always there if they needed to talk to him.

Tyler himself was rather an enigma to them, having been homeschooled after he went into a fit of screaming his first day of second grade, screaming for hours inconsolably.  
After this, his strange behavior continued, nightmares plaguing him, hed talk at random times to no one, then not talk for days on end.  
After a while, their parents had taken him into see a doctor, there they found a small fracture in his brain, no one was clear where it came from, the only thing having happened to him was falling back wards off their garden fence and onto the sidewalk.

No one was ever entirely sure what it meant, or what would happen, Tyler just got worse from there. Their mom had gotten him a therapist when she found him dripping blood in the bathroom.

Now the whole family kept an eye out for their special brother, Madison and Zack especially, not wanting to lose their young confidant. 

Zack and Madison crept away quietly, planning to call a group meeting, baby Jay included, to figure out how to help Tyler since their dad was obviously not going to.

|-/stayalive|-/

 

Josh smiled down at his phone, eyes unfocused and not really taking in the sight of the blank black screen.

Tyler was coming today, the strange boy who liked his hair and thought josh was pretty. Josh wasnt quite sure why, but he found Tylers strangeness comforting, in a way, some one else who saw things from his perspective really. Just having some one text him first was nice really.

He was so preoccupied with his thoughts; he missed the three older boys blocking his way until he ran into them.

"Heya, pipsqueak!" one of them sneered, pushing a surprised and now anxious looking Josh back. 

'Stupid, stupid, why hadnt he been paying attention?' Josh scowled up at the three familiar boys, they were notorious for hanging around, and looking for prey after school, if only hed noticed them earlier.

"Aw, look, its the hair freak, whats that color supposed to be? Fagmania?" Another scoffed, stepping forward, and slugging josh in the stomach without previous warning. Josh doubled over wheezing, now was not the time for sarcastic come backs.

However, Joshs mouth went faster than his mind, obviously thinking this was the perfect time to taunt the bigger boy.

"Psh, if I wanted that color, I wouldve asked for the color of your face." He said it might not have made sense, seeing as Josh often didnt make sense, but the dumb jock seemed to get it since he shoved Josh to the ground, making him fall hard on his shoulder.

 

Several new bruises later and Josh was left alone to wallow in misery. All thoughts of Tyler had vanished, now he just wanted to get home and lay down. Even standing took immense effort, but after he struggled up he walked a bit easier, well more like hobbled easier, hobbling the three blocks to his home and ducking in through the back door.

It was only when he saw his dad sitting at the dining table, gazing at the wall, did he remember Tyler.  
Wasnt he supposed to be there already?

"Hey," Josh said, trying not to be loud, his dad didnt like a lot of noise. "Wheres Tyler?" He asked.

His father glanced at him but didnt really take time to look at him, shrugging, he answered, "Im not sure."

Josh frowned, disappointment laying heavy on his shoulders as he headed up to his room.

Curling up on his bed he texted Tyler,

Jishwa: 'Where r u?'

No answer.

Josh busied himself by changing into comfortable sweats and taking ibuprofen.

Jishwa: 'U ok?'

Still no reply, Josh put on his headphones, turning his music on loud as he layed, waiting to sink into oblivion, his mind filled with worry for his friend.

10 pm Still no reply.

Jishwa: 'Goodnight, Tyler Joseph, I hope your okay.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be afraid to comment, I love it when you do, really :3  
> Thank you Fren!


	4. Empathy Might be on the Brink of Extinction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy fren |-/

Tyler drew his knees to his chest, leaning back against his headboard staring blankly at the door. there had been voices outside the door, Blurry face had abandoned his place where he had been happily criticizing Tylers art to glare murderously from inside the mirror.

There had been voices outside his door, like, real people voices not the ones others say he imagines. Which he doesn’t, Tyler doesn’t imagine things.

They had sounded worried, he’d recognized his father's voice, but only because he spoke really loudly, even then Tyler couldn’t make out the words.

The voice faded, but Tyler stays still. He missed another appointment, he didn’t dare touch his phone, knowing who had been making his notifications ring, . He wasn’t strong enough, if he touched his phone….

‘Stupid, stupid weak little boy’ Blurry face had been happier ever since Tyler had swore not to see Josh, but today he was sullen and moody, hatred in every look, words cutting like glass as the shot from him. 

Tyler hated Blurry Face, of course he did, but then again, the thought of him leaving scared Tyler too much to bare. He just wanted Blurry Face to see he could have other friends and still be Blurry’s friend, nothing would change. Yet Blurry Face wouldn’t listen, cutting off his please with a taunting smirk, telling him not to be so ‘naive’ and if he kept whining even blurry Face wouldn’t like him any more, and if Blurry Face didn’t like him then no one possibly could and Tyler may as well die.

Tyler was stiff when he heard the voices again, shivering without realizing it. Through the fear static cut a familiar voice, a soft spoken word by a certain candy haired boy, answered by an equally soft voice, his mother, Tyler guessed. His heart turned into an unmoving lump, along with his breathing. Josh was here. Josh was coming closer. Josh would soon be in his room.

Now, Tyler wasn’t an idiot, he knew enough to know that people thought he was crazy, and he knew that not taking his pills had worried his mom even more. He also knew that Blurry Face was real, and he really didn’t like Joshua Dun. Tyler had to stay away from him, yet there was nowhere to run, so Tyler hid, scrambling off his bed, landing in a messy heap on the floor before crawling under his bed, hiding up against the wall in the corner, curling in on himself, trying to hold back the sneeze, cause by the stir up dust when Tyler had disrupted it under the bed.

Tyler heard the door open and shut, saw familiar sneakers cross the floor and heard the confused voice, so achingly lost that Tyler wanted to cry again and crawl out to give joshua Dun a hug.

“Tyler? Tyler are you in here?” Josh asked, his voice quiet and soothing despite Tylers current state. Tyler couldn’t fight off the sneeze, muffling it with his hands, it sounded like a tiny explosion in the next to silent room.

Tyler didn’t see the confused, then understanding looks that passed over Joshua Duns face, and he couldn’t have known the thoughts that race, and how Josh decided what to do, but he did see how Joshua Duns sneakers crossed the floor till near the side of the bed that he faced, and how slid down to sit against the bed, not facing Tyler, nor telling him to get out.

“Y’know,, I was really worried,” Josh started softly, but Tyler heard every word, craning forward even to hear them more clearly. “Worried about you, when you didn’t answer, I assumed the worst. I missed you coming over..” Josh trailed off, sighing slightly, lost in thought even as Tyler waited, holding his breath unknowingly.  “I used to have this friend, y’know? He was really sweet and used to  come over to my house and play chess, I got so good at chess, but I could never beat him…” Josh’s words lulled Tyler, his own thoughts quieted as Josh talked, both boys disappearing into the story.

“But my friend was always sad, he said that while everyone else saw him as a girl, he saw himself as a boy. His parent’s said he was imagining things, nobody believed him and that made him really sad. So he came over more, and instead of chess he would bang on my drums and I would help him with homework and he would wear my clothes, but his parents didn’t like that, they started sending him to my dad to talk about his ‘problem’. They would call him delusional, and claim that he was just always lying about feeling like a guy. They said he wasn’t cutting his wrists, or poor or clinically insane so he had no right to go and be a cry baby about this.” Joshua Duns voice faltered, getting choked up on his own words and Tyler felt his chest ache for the other boy, scooting closer to him, wanting to make him feel better, but not daring to stop the story, waiting for the end with baited breath. After a heavy moment, Josh continued.

 

“I guess his parents made him feel so sad he couldn’t handle it, he said she felt too alone and didn’t want to be so anymore. He missed an appointment, I texted but he wouldn’t respond, then I went to visit him... no one-” Josh faltered again, the words becoming too much, “No one told me what had happened, I didn’t even get to go to his funeral because they’d had it earlier that day.” Josh’s breaths were labored, he took a moment, pulling in deep breathes to steady himself, steeling himself before going on, voice still soft. “even when he was dead, his parents were ashamed, ashamed that their son had killed himself because of them.” He was cut off from saying anything else as a teary eyed Tyler crawled out from under the bed and pulled his comforter down around them, looking over at Josh with a sad, questioning gaze. Josh frowned slightly, rubbing away his own tears with the back of his hand.

“Why did you tell me that?” Tyler asked, all worries of Blurry Face forgotten.

Joshua Dun bit his lip, looking down and shrugged, “You didn’t come to your appointment and you didn’t answer your text.” He said, looking up to meet Tylers gaze, the worry over him from the past week shining clearly.

Tyler huffed out a dry laugh, “You want go get coffee, Joshua Dun?” He asked giving up on thinking, Josh was here, and he was sad and Tyler owed him. No one deserved to have to worry over Tyler, he needed to do something for him.

Josh let out his own, more surprised laugh, “Are you asking me out?”

Tyler frowned, then shrugged, “If you want me to.” He said, he hadn’t really thought about it, but if josh wanted to call getting coffee a date, Tyler didn’t mind.

Josh shook his head pulling himself into a standing position before offering a hand to tyler. “Yeah, yes I would love to get coffee with you, Tyler Joseph.” He agreed, helping Tyler to his feet.

A minute later Tyler left his room and went down stairs for the first time in almost a week, almost giving his mom a heart attack when he randomly stopped at the kitchen to tell her he and josh were going for coffee. Mrs. Joseph gave him a funny sort of smile, which confused Tyler, but then again, his moms reactions often confused him, so that was nothing new.

A minute longer and Tyler was leaving the house for the first time in over a week, walking with a slight smile, beside and also slightly smiling Joshua Dun.

And if Tyler noticed Blurry face's glare as they left, he ignored it, much more interested in Josh's free bright smiles, than Blurry face's unspoken threats.

 

 

Stay Alive |-/

Josh's P.O.V

 

Josh was not a teenage girl.

Josh was not a weak little boy any more.

He played drums, ran in the mornings and got piercings.

Josh had already made a deal with his mom about when he could get his first tattoo (whenever he turned seventeen as long as his grades were a B average).

Anyway, Point is, Josh was tough and had been working on getting even tougher, yet here he was, feeling a little bit ridiculous for the nervous butterflies doing gymnastics in his stomach.  
He felt like it was his first crush all over again, which was, as Josh had earlier said, completely ridiculous.

But then Tyler gave him that small, strange grin of his and Josh couldn’t stop the returning smile that immediately tugged at his lips, his butterflies doing backflips.

They were at the park today, for a reason Josh couldn’t recall. Since Tyler had stopped his appointments, they now had to call each other to get together, not that josh minded, he would’ve called Tyler anyway.

Because, Tyler.

Tyler said the strangest things sometimes, but Josh understood, he didn’t know why, but it just made sense.  
His dad said that Tyler could be diagnosably crazy and that had scared Josh, he’d actually reconsidered not talking to Tyler before they really became friends because of that, but he didn’t, and he wasn’t sure why.

“...and it’s strange because why does everyone think there’s a point? Can’t sometimes things not have a point or have something that’s profound enough not to be thought of as a point?” Tyler was currently lamenting, he’d been frustrated because his brother had found a recent picture of his and Tyler hadn’t been able to explain it.

And Josh Understood. And he loved it, because Tyler could put into words what he couldn’t, like he was reading Josh’s heart and mind when sharing his thoughts.

And all Tyler wanted was for someone to listen, he didn’t need Josh to struggle to find the words to help him or justify his actions.

Josh could listen.

Josh could listen for days and he doubted he would ever become bored.

Josh watched Tyler as he spoke, how his eyes stared into the lake as if trying to seek out the secrets it held, how he seemed to think over every word, forming it before he said it, the small, sad smile that was always there, shadowing his eyes with unknown pain. The sun dancing through his eyes, distracting Josh, making him want to just lean into him, pull him closer, just feel the warmth that radiated from him.

Tyler sighed deeply, having finished saying what he felt he had to, eyes flicking back to Josh’s, almost making Josh gasp, because no matter how many times this happened, locking eyes with Tyler made him want to melt into them like a love sick puppy. Again, he would repeat, that this was ridiculous.

“Sorry, I just- I haven’t had any one else to really talk to about these things since….” His words trailed off but Josh understood. He nodded slightly,

“Well, I don’t cost and I don’t have other patients, so you’re always welcome to come to Dr. Dun Juniors office.” He said following it up with a wink and a flashy grin, because it fit.

And Tyler giggled, making it worth the wink, laughing with almost childlike innocence, his eyes scrunching up and his smile shining bright. It was definitely worth it.

“Alright Dr. Dun Junior, riddle me this,” Tyler kept his bright grin up, the sun no longer being the only thing making his eyes sparkle,  
“knock knock.” Josh blinked, that was not what he had expected.  
He didn’t think that was a riddle.

“Whose there?” He respond immediately.

“Impatient chicken.”

“Impatient Chi-” “Brrrrrack!  A loud yell from Tyler interrupting him in the middle of his sentence and making him jump, eyes wide with surprise as Tyler started laughing again, but not in a mean way. Happiness and amusement written clear across his face, flopping back rubbing tears out of his eyes from laughing so hard.

Josh’s face was comical, changing from wide eyed shock and surprised to confused and slightly hurt from the spook, at first thinking that Tyler was making fun of him by laughing. Quickly realizing that was not the case, he let out his own hesitant smile, chuckling slightly as he watched Tyler, he rarely got to see him so happy.  
Even though they had been hanging out for several month now, moments like these were still rare and to be cherished.

An average day between them was usually quiet discussion or josh banging on his drums, or Tyler on the piano, depending on whose house they were at. Tyler had only recently started to actually open to him, showing him the occasional piece of art, or scribbled down  poetry. whispering things about “Blurry Face” though he was never entirely clear on who, or what Blurry Face was, but he hated it with a passion, the things Tyler said Blurry Face did or prompted him to do made Josh want to take Tyler home and wrap a blanket around him and keep him there, safe and sound forever.

Yet Josh understood, when Tyler showed him the art, Josh would describe what he saw in the picture and Tyler’s face would light up, bright as the fairy lights in his room.

When Tyler shared scribbled down poetry Josh would pair it with his own beat on the drum, sounding the words out in his own fashion and Tyler would look at him with beautiful mocha eyes and just look so happy that Josh never wanted to stop.

And when he whispered what blurry ace said, the words sounded so familiar to Josh, similar to things his own mind had told him before, on his bad days, days where he’d acquired a new bruise at school. Days that his father wouldn’t even look at him. On the days that even Tyler, would feel too weak to talk to him.

He had bad days too, and his own demons liked to play tug-a-war with his emotions.

It made Josh like Tyler even more, admiring him for being so strong. And if Tyler could live even with such a being as Blurry Face, then so could Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay Alive fren |-/


	5. Okay, Friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning for thoughts and mentions of previous selfharm.  
> Stay safe frens |-/

Ah Sundays. Those bright mornings where you wake up early to birds singing and the flowers automatically bloom for Jesus as you walk in perfect clothes to your little white church where the town gathers to sing praises to their savior and fellowship with each other with nothing else on their mind besides worshiping.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hear that? yeah, that’s Tyler laughing at that joke.

Tyler thinks the truth couldn’t be further away.  He’s woken, bright and early by the soft voices of his brother and sister, sitting on Zachs bed, discussing something in hushed tones. They quiet as soon as Tyler sits up, and when Tyler asks what wrong, Madison just smiles at him, tells him it’s nothing, then says she has a shower to take and leaves. Zach quickly mumbles his own excuse and follows her out, leaving Tyler confused. His siblings have always told him their problems and thoughts because apparently Tyler was ‘smart’ and had ‘good advice’. But lately they’ve avoided him, talking to each other and only giving Tyler ‘reassuring’ smiles and telling him everything's going to be fine.

It was stupid, Tyler wasn’t stupid, he could see they were avoiding him, that everything wasn’t ‘fine’. He just didn’t know what was wrong.

‘They hate you now.’ Blurry face explained, and Tyler noticed him, sitting on his bed, near his legs, leaning against the wall and staring blankly into space. He sounded just as malicious as always, but he wasn’t paying attention to Tyler at all.  
That irked Tyler more than anything.

‘They don’t like Joshua Dun, and they don’t like you hanging out with him. you should stop.’

Tyler frowned, he hadn’t seen much of Blurry since the incident with his drawing. Blurry had appeared detached, even the nightmares had come less often. It was all very confusing, making Tyler even more paranoid than ever, always expecting Blurry to jump out, to attack him while he wasn’t paying attention.

Tyler knew he should ignore Blurry’s words, he just didn’t like Josh, it wasn’t Josh’s fault Blurry didn’t like him, and he was sure his siblings liked Josh.

Madison had given Josh a hug when he’d told her he actually did care about what Tyler had been singing about, even though Tyler had felt stupid for his lyrics, and Zach had done his whole, approving nod thing when he walked in on them engrossed in a game of Myth-o-magic, which Tyler had won.

But they dug under Tylers skin, like tiny bugs, crawling along his blood veins, itching him to take his blade and get them out, set them free.

‘Such a pathetic wimp, can’t find the right friends, always so suspicious of your family. What are they not good enough for you?’ Blurry’s words washed over Tyler like nausea, making him want to double over, to bury himself under his covers or scream until he went unconscious.  
But it’s Sunday, so he just gets up, muttering at Blurry face to ‘shut up, and go back where you belong’, something Tyler wouldn’t have dared to say even a month before, but a newfound confidence was slowly starting to burn within him.  
Blurry makes a startled sound, and seems to actually start paying attention now, but Tyler's already out of the room, hurrying to the bathroom. Relieved to find it empty he locked himself inside.  
Blurry face could still get in, of course, but Tyler refuses to think about that. His legs shook as he collapsed by the toilet, the Sunday spirit getting to him. He dry heaved into the toilet, having eaten next to nothing the day before, he was lucky he had nothing to throw up. Nervous about having to go to church, about his siblings avoiding him, about  blurrys words, about blurry almost ignoring him. It overwhelmed Tyler.  
He leaned back against the wall, staring down at the tiled floor, vision fuzzy due to tears.

‘I know what would calm you down, c’mon Tyler, it has been awhile, look at your legs, the scabs are almost all gone.’ Blurry’s voice is almost soothing as he sat on the bathroom counter, staring at Tyler, voice cutting through the fog in Tylers mind, making him want to follow Blurrys suggestion, it would calm him down, he knew it would.  
But Tyler couldn’t do that now, Josh would be disappointed.

Josh.

Tyler clung to the name like a lifeline, wishing he had his phone, but it was back in his room.  
He let out a choked sob, Josh would hate him if he saw him now, sitting there thinking about fucking cutting himself.  
He wasn’t even sure when he decided to get up, but he found himself stripping as quick as he could and stepping into the shower, turning the water on scorching hot, and almost yelping when it blasted him. He fumbled vision distorted from tears, to turn the water into something just shy of scalding. He sighed, taking a moment to collect himself as steam rose, letting the water wash over him, before falling apart again.

Silent sobs racking his body, this was so pathetic, nothing that bad had happened. He was weak, Blurry was right, he didn’t deserve to be here.

He could feel blurry’s stare, but he was no longer self conscience around him, hadn’t been for years. Blurry was always there when he broke down. Often his body shook with Tylers', though he was usually laughing at Tylers' pain.  
It wasn’t until Tyler was curled on the shower floor, before he finally collected himself, and several more minutes before he pulled himself up, the occasional pitiful sound breaking through his lips, tears still continuing as he washed himself.

By the time he got out, he felt better, cleaner, and at least there would be no tears to cry later at church, so he felt maybe he could face that.

He felt as ridiculous as always as he made the usual, hurried dash to his room, with just a towel around his waist hiding his be-scarred legs from the world. It must be his lucky day, seeing as his room was also empty, he  quickly dressed into his Sunday suit, basic white button up, black suit jacket and, while his parents used to insist on dress pants, Tyler found that they let him slip past in nice black jeans.  
He was straightening out his tie when he remembered to check his phone. He was a bit surprised to see he had a message from early that morning, though, he reflected, it wasn’t as unusual now. Not with Josh as his friend.

He quickly opened it, and almost felt like he could cry again as he read the text Josh had sent him.  
Josh had to be psychic.

Jishwa: ‘Heyo, Tyjo, (look that rhymes!) I hope you have a good Sunday because you are great and deserve to have an awesome day today. p.s tell blurry to go to hell some time for me ;) ‘

He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply, because how he got a Joshua dun, he had no idea, but he was so thankful that he did.

Tyguy: ‘Thanks, I needed that. Skype me later?’

The reply was almost instant.

Jishwa:’Of course, :)’

Tyguy: “Until then, Joshua Dun, farewell’

Jishwa: ‘Right back at you!’

Tyler smiled softly, shaking his head, tossing his phone onto the bed and checking the clock, his dad would be yelling at him to come down soon. He glanced in the mirror hanging on their closet door, checking his hair, and nodding slightly to himself.  
He could face today… hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you liked it ;)  
> Have a lovely day fren |-/


	6. Pointless Curses, Nonsense Verses

Tyler hated the ride to church. The whole family piled into their minivan in their suits and nice dresses. His dad drove, always silent as stone, his mom usually gazed out the window, occasionally making a comment about the people in the houses they passed,  things from church gossip mainly.

They all got to hear about who went where, and whose child went and did what. It only served to remind Tyler of how he would never live up to normal people standards, always be a failure.

Has Tyler ever mentioned that he hates going to church. Yeah well now he feels the need to say it again. He hates going to church. And it’s not just because he has to leave his house, though that is definitely a con.

It’s the uncomfortable benches, the fake smiles around him, the side eyed or just full on stares. It’s the congregational hymns that they sing together, as if they actually mean the words.  
Tyler’s never met any one who actually seems like they believe the words, yet to be fair, Tyler hasn’t meant a lot of people.

Their family sits together, poster perfect with every one in their Sunday best. His dad goes around at handshaking time, with this big smile as he greets his church friends. His mom talks politely with the other women, though some are not so thoughtful and slightly less than discreetly sending curious and usually disdainful looks towards Tyler. 

Tyler did his best to ignore people and sat in the corner of their bench. He hated how many people were here. He was too awkward to stand up and shake hands, he couldn’t muster up a smile to plaster on to face them. He just ducked his head down, avoiding eye contact, and pretending to be interested in the floor.

Surprisingly or not, there was one person close to Tyler who loved church.

Blurry face loved church.

He sat by Tyler all the time here, sticking close and making up commentary heard only by Tyler..

“Oh, Mrs Canter looks like she just swallowed a lemon, or maybe she just saw your face.” He snickers, Tyler doesn’t acknowledge him, at times like these, here in public.

He can’t do anything.

Can’t talk back, can’t find solace in Josh, he just has to wait it out.

“Oh, and doesn’t Mrs. James look disgusted by you, probably thinks freaks like you should stay locked up where you belong.” Blurry face doesn’t stop, commenting on every little thing, throwing all the blame back on Tyler.

There’s only a little relief when intermission is over and the actual preaching starts. At least the whispers die down, and people are, for the most part, looking away from him.

Though Tyler still feels awkward and exposed, like he’s the center of attention, even though he knows that's a self conceited thought, he shouldn’t be so prideful, there was no reason to be.  
He was literally the most pathetic person he knew.

The preachers voice was monotone and Tyler didn’t even try to listen, he used to. Used to think that it would help, but then Blurry face had given him nonstop nightmares until he started to fall asleep in church on sundays because whenever got any sleep at home. In the end it just seemed so pointless that Tyler gave in and just listened to blurry voice over, as he made fun of the people around him, as well as Tyler himself.

Tyler does what he always does during church, he pulls out his notebook, pretending to take notes, as he instead, tries to find inspiration for anything really. This is his only distraction in public.

“Every one gather around for a show,

Watch as he disappears as we know,

do me a favor and please just ignore,

as we watch him fall through a blatant trapdoor.

Cause nobody knows he’s alive?”

The words come slowly, phrase by phrase, stare at the floor, ignore any other voices, come up with a phrase, write it out, repeat.

It’s a cycle he’s familiar with, though today he feels further out of it, like his words are empty; he likes them nonetheless.

On good days the words come quickly, flowing out of his mind and through his pen. But writing gives him an escape, no matter how little of it he does, calms him down and lets him focus on the words.

After church there’s communion dinner, which his parents insist on staying for, yet another horror for Tyler.

He doesn’t exactly mind eating, but he hates it when people see him eat. He used to okay with it.

But then blurry started pointing out how ugly he looked when he stuffed his face, "like a pig, you really want to make yourself fat as well as a freak? why do you chew like that, it’s so gross!” yeah....

Tyler had avoided eating all together, and rarely did when he was with his family,. much less surrounded by other church members.

His brother ran off as soon as church dismissed, despite Tyler being his brother, Zack had managed to make friends with many of the other youth group boys. Madison was the same, quickly heading over to joining her own group of girls to talk and giggle as they headed towards the communion dining room. His parents joined the flow of people, leaving Tyler to fend for himself.  
After all, Tyler was plenty old enough, he didn’t need a babysitter.  

Tyler’s not quite sure he agrees with that.

He feel lost in the sea of people, and he wants to run, to scream, to disappear, but he can’t.

So he stands up, following everybody else's example and leaves the sanctuary, before breaking away from the crowd, heading for the doors.

This is the time he goes and hides like a wimp, as Blurry likes to point out.

The playground is his preferred place to find safety. It’s small, with two swings and a rickety plastic slide, but nobody's ever around when it’s lunch time, so he can swing with Blurry.

He sets his notebook under the slide out of harm's way before taking the closest swing. It’s chilly out, but Tyler doesn’t much care, it’s warmer than the looks he was getting inside.

Time passes slowly, inches along, second like minutes and minutes like hours.

Tyler swings aimlessly, kicking at the dirt, and gazing around, trying to keep his mind occupied. He wouldn’t mind making conversations with Blurry at these times, when Blurry face is not insulting him, he’s actually not a bad conversationalist, but talking to ‘no one’ tends to attract attention.

Tyler learned that the hard way.

“Do you know what’s stupid? Well, besides you,” Blurry adds as an afterthought, never missing the opportunity to insult Tyler.

Tyler kicks at the ground, but doesn’t try to ignore him, not like he can run away right now.

“How much faith you are putting into one, human, teenage boy. I mean, those things are so unreliable it’s ridiculous. You know he’s just gonna leave after he finds out what a pathetic freak you are.” Blurry says, in a condescending tone, making Tyler feel like he was in the wrong here, like it was his fault for everything.

“Shut up,” Tyler mutters, almost under his breath, but Blurry continues, because he’s bored too, and it is so fun watching Tyler get riled up.

“And even if he does hang around, you’re just gonna hold him back. He’s never gonna be able to leave for too long before you freak out, won’t be able to travel because of you and your worthless anxiety, you’ll be the anchor that drags him to the bottom of the ocean and he’ll come to hate you for it, just you wait and see.” Blurry face giggles and Tyler practically shaking from both anger and the fear that Blurry might be right.

“I said shut up.” He snaps, louder than he meant to.

“Oh, look! Looks like the ‘special’ boy is having an argument with his imaginary friend!” A voice says loudly from behind Tyler.

Tyler doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is.

The voice belonged to a certain Bert Mccraken, the leader of the towns "delinquents" and any body else who didn’t want to become one of his victims.

Bert and the three other cronies that were forced to church same as him walked around to face Tyler.

Tyler didn’t look up, there was no point, this would either lead to a beating, or they would get bored and go away.

Tyler could only hope it was the latter.

“What? Freak doesn’t want to talk to us? You’d rather sit here and talk to your imaginary friend, huh. Or maybe you can’t understand us, after all, you are a “special” boy.” Bert says slowly, as if he's talking to a child, to stupid to understand his words.

No response. Tyler gripped the swing a bit tighter, but didn’t move.

He was tempted, he would gladly break Berts nose right now, but he couldn’t.

Bert was obviously annoyed by this, so he tried a different angle.

“So, I heard you’ve started hanging out with that faggot, Josh dun, hm? You got something you need to confess, pretty boy?” He sneered, Tyler ground his teeth together, it was one thing for Bert to insult him, but he had no right to bring Josh into this.

“Leave me alone.” He muttered, almost to quiet for them to hear. Bert, always the spokesman, didn’t back off.

“Oh, some one doesn’t like me talking about their boyfriend?” He crooned, “Well, I should tell you now. For your own good. Josh is not worth your time, he’s a fagotty little slut whose just hanging around because he’s an attention whore-”

Tyler stood up so fast Bert almost stumbled back, and he almost fell when Tyler shoved him. Though Tyler wasn’t exactly buff, so it didn’t do much. But anger burned in Tylers eyes, and he felt more like Blurry face than himself. 

He was only not tackling Bert because he believed in second chances.

Bert had one last chance to leave.

But Bert was outraged that some one as pathetic as 'Crazy Joseph' would actually act back against him, and he had his boys to back him up, giving him confidence.

“You shoved me! you’re gonna regret that Joseph.” He growled, but Tyler didn’t back down, anger over countless injustices he had endured over his life practically making him shake, no fear to be heard of.

“C’mon man, what if some one sees.” One of the other boys tries to intervene, setting a hand on Berts arm, as the others shifted uncomfortably.

Every one was a little scared of Crazy Joseph, because who knew what a kid who ‘saw things’ could do.

Bert shook the hand off roughly, “No, what’s the matter scared of a weak little faggot?” He mocked,  shedding his suit jacket.

Tyler didn’t move, Blurry face still sat on the swing, a grin tugging at his lips, though he was saying surprisingly helpful things. “Wait for him, prepare yourself, and wait for him to swing first.” Blurry instructed, gleeful.

And Tyler waited, not moving as Bert stepped towards him, not until the boy lunged forward ready to shove him to the ground, trying to take him down in moments.  
But Tyler stepped swiftly to the side, as he moved, making Bert miss his target, his momentum toppling him forward. Bert hit the ground, rolling to get back on his feet, but Tyler was listening to Blurry now, heck, he felt like he was Blurry as he moved forward, faster than Bert expected, grabbing him by his stupid tie with his right hand and using a hard cross punch to connect his fist with Bert’s face.

At any other time, in any other situation this wouldn’t have worked, but Tyler put the full force of his anger towards the bully and the sudden surge of strength that was usually associated with Blurry behind the punch, as well as the weight of himself. He felt the sickening feeling of something break when he punched him. Blood quickly started spurting from the other boys nose and Bert was disoriented for long enough for Tyler to let go of him.

Backing away quickly, as he stared in horror at the blood, Berts other cronies watched in mute shock, obviously not expecting 'Crazy Joseph' to act out.

He never had before.

“Hey! What’s going on out here?!” There’s a shout from over by the church, and Tyler's stomach sinks, he knows where the blame will fall. 

Blurry’s already cackling about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is such a filler chapter, more is soon to come I promise.  
> Comment and tell me what you thought, they keep me going I swear.  
> Stay Street Frens, Stay Alive |-/  
> (P.S. I know the lyrics aren't exactly right, but that was on purpose...)


	7. Are You Searching?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N.   
> Alright, Trigger Warning!  
> Descriptions of Self-harm in this chapter.   
> I Will put |-/ at the beginning and when it is safe to read again.  
> Stay safe frens. 

He needs to run.

To scream.

To escape this.

He doesn’t want to face these emotions.

He doesn’t want to face the mocking grin and sharp edged words.

Tyler feels like a horrible cliche, just another angsty teenager throwing a fit over his parents punishing him.

But it wasn’t his fault.

Except it was.

He threw the first punch.

He threw the only punch, if you were being technical, Bert hadn’t done anything wrong. Even if he had, no one would admit to it, all too scared of Bert, and Tyler’s crazy reputation just made every one assume he was the bad guy.

His dad had yelled at him the whole ride home, expressing his “disappointment” ‘his “disgust”’ Blurry face cackled. And they had grounded him, two months ago Tyler wouldn’t have cared. He never went out any way, so now he had an excuse and wouldn’t feel guilty about locking himself away.

But now he couldn’t see Josh.

He was alone and he was scared.

Scared because he felt like Blurry Face earlier. He’d felt the anger, the hurt, the hatred that always radiated off him, inside him, and he had followed Blurry’s advice and it had felt so good breaking Berts nose. It shook Tyler to the very bone and he was almost trembling at the mere thought of it.

He hadn’t said a word though, had kept a blank face all through out his dads rant. Had gone straight to his room when he was excused.

“You’re a monster, yknow that? Made yourself even more of a freak,” Blurry snickers.

He was always there.

Why?

Tyler just wanted him to leave, why wouldn’t he leave?

“You should be locked up with the other freaks…. You’re so pathetic, look at you, not even twenty four hours and you’re already a mess because you don’t have Josh.” Blurry sounds disgusted, Tyler can’t believe he managed to disgust the most disgusting thing in the universe.

It was pathetic.

He couldn’t outrun Blurry, couldn’t leave his house, couldn’t even talk to Josh.

“You’re so clingy, Josh doesn’t like clingy people, you disgust him, y’know that?” Tyler leaves his room, hoping against hope to escape Blurry by going to a different room.

It’s worked before, a long time ago. But not today.

He’s leaning back against the bathroom counter, the same room he already had one mental break down today, when he feels the familiar figure beside him.

“Look at you, a pathetic, over emotional freak, can’t go the day without crying can you?”

Tyler doesn’t want to listen to him, he needs him to shut up.

Why won’t Blurry leave?

Tears leaked out of Tylers eyes but he refused to cry, not again, not when he’d already sobbed his heart out that morning.

|-/ |-/

“You really think hating me is going to fix your problem? Gonna make me go away? C’mon Tyler, this isn’t going to fix anything.” Blurry says.

He’s right, sitting here isn’t doing nothing.

Tyler's shaky and he can’t focus and he needs a release, needs to sort out these thoughts, these feelings.

“You know what you need to do, c'mon, are you scared Tyler?” Blurry taunts, Tyler feels like he’s gasping, the words dragging him down, drowning him in his own fear.

His head is fogged up and he can’t think.

He knows what he needs, but Tyler's hesitant, holding on to the empty hope that he won’t need that.

Yet blurry doesn’t stop, mocking words and cutting taunts spewing forth until Tyler's covering his ears, rocking back and forth.

But he can still hear him, he won’t go away.

Not unless..

And Tyler's digging through the drawer, he feels weak, and pathetic, but he needs this right now, he needs something else to focus on, to spill his thoughts onto.

And then he’s shoving his jeans down, revealing scar riddled thighs, a secret he’s managed to keep from every one except blurry.

He never dared cut his wrists, his dad would see that and his mom would freak out, then he’d end up in a mental hospital or correction camp, depending on the costs.

The razor in his hand is old, dull, and a little rusty, which both scares Tyler, but also makes him hope.

Hope that maybe this time the rust poisoning itself will just kill him.

Just get the job over with.

Tyler’s not suicidal exactly, at least, he would never directly kill himself, but if some one pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t object.

He goes slow, digging the razor in and dragging it across, feeling the fog inside his mind clear just a bit as pain blossoms from his leg.

The razors dull, so the cut is surprisingly shallow, but it hurts like Tyler needs and he continues. 

Red stripes show his handiwork, the more pain he creates, the easier it becomes to breath and blurry face finally shuts up, fading back until it’s just Tyler left, alone.

Eight.

Eight new cuts, and four little ones between each long one.

Six on each leg total.

By the time Tyler lets the blade drop he can think.

His breath is even, and he’s out of tears.

There’s not a whole lot of blood, just enough to want to wipe away, or else it will rub off inside his jeans.

Tyler is ashamed of how much better he feels after cutting. It’s disgusting, and he knows every one says it’s a horrible thing, yet… it helps Tyler, and Tyler doesn’t see why it’s bad. But then again, Tyler sees a lot of things differently than other people, so he trusts others and thinks of self harm as yet another pathetic thing he has to do because he’s weak.

    |-/ |-/  |-/Stay Alive|-/ |-/ |-/

 

Tyler spent the rest of the day in bed, his parents had taken his phone, the only electronic that was solely his. He has nothing left in him, he doesn’t want to draw, hasn’t for a long time now. And any words are trapped in his mind, only letting shallow thoughts take place.

He’s changed into sweatpants, and every time he shifts he’s reminded of his mistakes, but it’s not an entirely unpleasant sensation. Just a light burn, almost a buzz of feeling. It feels better than feeling nothing at all.

It got rid of Blurry face, for now at least, and Tyler wonders if the demon is rewarding him for doing as told.

Before, he’d never really needed prompting, just did it because he felt he had to to be able to think straight. There had never been a good reason not to do it. But something had changed, maybe Tyler himself had changed.

Perhaps it was because of Josh.

Because since Josh had started talking to Tyler, he’d gone out of his way to listen to Tyler more than any one else ever had, well, besides Blurry. Josh made Tyler feel like he was here for a reason better than just breathing. Like he was important, to some one at least.

He pulled the covers tighter around him, the thoughts were too much right now, he was emotionally exhausted, and the bed was warm…..  
                                      |-/StayAlive|-/

Josh couldn’t stop worrying.

This was stupid, Tyler was fine.

Josh was sure, they would have told him if anything serious had happened.. wouldn’t they?

Just, Tyler hadn’t texted, called or skyped him.

In three days.

That wasn’t like Tyler, he had never disappeared except… except for the time he had to quit his appointments. But they hadn’t exactly been friend friends at that time, just kind of casual text buddies.

Now Tyler didn’t go more than three hours without texting him, and now this?

Utter and Complete silence.

Josh didn’t want to be clingy, he was afraid that maybe Tyler had grown tired of him. That going to see him in person would just make it worse…. But he couldn’t focus.

Yes it was stupid, Tyler didn’t need him, he could take care of himself just fine. But as much as Josh knew that, he didn’t quite believe it.

Which was why Josh found himself here, on Tylers doorstep, at four p.m. He’d practically run all the way here after school without even meaning to. The butterflies in his stomach were completely uncalled for, he’d hung out with Tyler for long enough, they should really be extinct by now.

He shifted slightly, bringing up a nervous yet genuine smile when the door opened, just to reveal Tyler’s mom.

“Hi, Mrs. Joseph, is Tyler in?” Josh asks, polite as always, because he really didn’t want Tylers parents to not like him. He already had a tough reputation as it was, what with the dyed hair and earrings.

Josh knew the rumors, he wasn’t an idiot.

Mrs. Joseph’s smile falters but she nods and hope blooms in Josh, and is then crushed by her next words.

“Yes, but, I’m sorry Josh, he’s not allowed to see any body right now…” She seems to hesitate, as if unsure of her next words, but covers the slip with another polite and slightly regretful smile. “I’m afraid he’s grounded for the next two weeks dear, I’m sure he will call you when he can.”

Josh swallows the lump in his throat, just wanting to get words out, though it’s difficult.

“Oh, okay. Thank you Ma’am, I’ll uh, be seeing you.” He manages, his smile tight.

He's a bit confused, he had been so set on seeing Tyler and now he's walking away, dejected. Maybe he should try another way? But that might get Tyler in trouble....

Josh scuffs his shoes on the sidewalk, feeling like he should be doing more, but not knowing why.

He sighs heavily, pulling out his earbuds. Tyler will call him when he can. Mrs. Joseph would too if Tyler got really bad....she had the last time.

He turns his music up, hoping to drowned out his terrified thoughts as he heads home. giving up.

If only he had known.......

But he had no way to know that Tyler was up in his room in such a state that would have had his mom running to the phone if she knew.

Tyler himself was suffering severely because no one noticed.

He had almost stopped eating all together, and was as thin as when he first met Josh.

His legs throbbed with fresh cuts, and he hadn't moved from his position except to go to the bathroom in the past three days.

Zach was busy with school and was only around at night so he never picked up that there was anything wrong.

Madison was the same, and their mom was driving the two around even more than usual. His dad barely acknowledged his existence, and was at work through the main hours of the day.  
The only one with Tyler was Blurry face, constantly pacing around the room, or curled up against Zachs bed, lies flowing out.

"If they loved you they'd see what was going on."

"If they even cared they'd ask you to get up, to join the family like your siblings but they don't, they don't want you in their family."

And worse.

"Even Josh hasn't come, you guys talked constantly, but you were just being annoying, I'm sure he's overjoyed to be rid of you."

"Josh isn't worth your time Tyler, he's not even here, he doesn't care about you."

Over and over.

Over and over.

Over and over.

And Tyler couldn't even bring himself to cry any more.

Except he could, he just wished he couldn't,  
wished he couldn't feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.   
> I just wanted to say thank you all so so so much for all your lovely comments and for liking the story. Honestly, it means so much to me, just, thank you ♡
> 
> |-/ I love you frens |-/


	8. No One Else is Dealing With Your Demons

Over the next two weeks Tylers condition worsened.

His mom brought him food everyday, but Tyler usually just scraped it into the trash or snuck it to their dog.

He didn't give up eating entirely, perse, he couldn't stand the gnawing feeling it created, but he ate little other than a protein bar a day, and then drank water to make up for it.

The one time he did attempt to have a full meal, his food was overridden with the taste of guilt and he spent the next half hour heaving over the toilet.

 

 

| /StayAlive| /

 

 

Tyler had been low in his life, he'd gone weeks on rock bottom, and no one would notice.

But this seemed worse, out of all he'd been through.

Worse than with blurry.

Worse than with his own anxieties.

This was the worst he'd been that he could remember.

Before when he hit rock bottom it was just him and Blurry, and he'd never lost anything, just acted more tired and ignored his siblings. Eventually he'd always surface and decided to attempt to get better, pulling himself through and up out of bed to go for a run or eat some food. Or do anything because he just got bored out of his mind.

And occasionally when he felt so low, a surge of inspiration would hit him, and the next minute he'd be scribbling something down and his depressed thoughts would fly away.

 

Not this time.

 

No, this time Tyler felt like he'd lost something, like something worse was going on than just he was "grounded".

 

Not to mention Blurry Face. His old friend, his worst nemesis, his constant companion.

 

Everyday he was there, talking, spewing forth poisoned words until he drove Tyler to find his razor.

Once Tyler did that Blurry would back off, for a little while at least.

Once he was satisfied that he’d gotten his way, that Tyler could not possibly be more of a sobbing wreck than he was, he would leave. And for the next few hours Tyler would be able to sleep in blissful silence, unless his parents decided to call him down, or his brother tried to talk to him. Than it just meant Tyler was much more quicker to the blade, if just to drive Blurry away for enough time to think for himself.

 

It became a blur itself really, after several days, he refused food and homework alike. His moms words were never clear enough to make sense and if Zach ever did come home Tyler didn’t notice.

 

Silent sleep was now a luxury, for when Blurry finally got bored of being away he came back in Tyler’s dream and his dream would light up like a carnival.

Blurry’s favorite thing to recreate was Josh now, transforming the boy Tyler knew into a gleeful monster.

It always started out nice though. They’d be at the lake, or in their local library, the only place the boys felt okay with hanging out because there was rarely any one there. Josh would be his amazing self, listening to Tyler, commenting occasionally when Tyler needed him to. Then Tyler would say one thing too many, he was never really sure what he said, but suddenly Josh’s comment would sting, sharp with scorn or anger and it would spiral down until Josh would admit how disgusting he actually thought Tyler was and how he was only his friend out of pity.

 

Tyler hated those dreams. He woke up with tears still on his face the first week, but slowly as Blurry varied the story he became bitter.

Why would Josh say such things?

Did he really think that?

And soon his bitterness turned into anger..

Angry at Josh for saying those things, because surely it must be true.

It wasn’t like Tyler needed him though, Josh could do whatever he wanted, he didn’t have to stay with Tyler out of pity.

 

Tyler didn’t need his pity.

 

Those thoughts swirled he could feel the start of a burning hatred, directed towards the face that tormented him at night.

Josh was the cause of all his problems. Tyler had been fine before Josh, and now, for the first time in his life, he had actually gotten into a fight, been grounded and felt terrible about it. If Josh hadn’t been there, Tyler would be fine, Blurry wouldn’t be mad at him, he would be allowed to come and go as he pleased, he wouldn’t feel so shattered right now.

He wouldn’t feel so pathetic, ‘a worthless waste of life.’

And so two weeks passed, each day dragged out through his inner torment. But when his sentence came to an end and his phone was tossed back onto his bed, he didn’t move.

There was no point.

It wasn’t like he had any one he wanted to text.

 

No he stayed where he was, hiding beneath his bed, covers pulled under with him, with the vain hope of escaping his demons. As if. He was there, in the shadows.

Suffocating and mocking, happy to have their control back.

 

 

Josh's POV.

Shaky hands dabbed gently at the split lip.

Josh should’ve been paying attention, he should’ve seen them coming.

 

But no, Josh was an idiot and couldn’t stop checking his phone for a long awaited text. Like Tyler would actually text him the moment he could, Tyler probably finally came to his senses and realized he was out of Josh’s league.

 

Josh sighed slightly, running his tongue against the cut, wincing slightly at the sharp sting.

He really needed to work on his confidence. It was something he used to struggle with often, and he had gotten better, though it had been easier to feel better about himself when there was a certain brown eyed beauty who wanted to talk to you and only you twenty-four seven.

 

Today just wasn’t a good day for Josh, he’d barely passed his history test, because Josh sucked at memorizing boring facts, and then he’d run into the usual group of tough guys who needed some one to push around to prove themselves strong and manly or whatever.

 

He felt bad for feeling sorry for himself when he actually had it better than most, he was neither starving nor freezing. He had safety, a not outright awful family, and he wasn’t a complete failure at school. Really, Josh just needed to get over himself. It could always be worse, he could be in Tylers situation for instance. The thought had him digging for his phone, checking to see if there was any texts.

There was not.

 

Josh sighed again, scowling at himself in the mirror, without the blood he didn’t look as bad as he had, he would be fine…. just….

Josh sighed again, slipping his phone back into his pocket and leaving the music stores rest room. This was his usual hide out, he helped Mr. Toro run the store when he could, and hung out there after school when he didn’t feel like going home.

It was nice.

Josh loved the atmosphere, quiet and kind of excited, like every one seemed always a little happier when they bought that new album, or came in to finally get their instrument fixed.

 

Also, this way Josh could have time to cover up any bruises, or let any swelling go down and then he could pretend that’s why his parents never seemed to notice.

 

He had never brought Tyler here though, maybe it was selfish, but Josh and he used to come here, it was their place.

Josh felt it would be almost wrong to bring Tyler here, like it would be disrespectful.

The memories still hurt too much. 

Josh had been closer to him than any one else, he couldn't even try to count how many hours they'd spent together, stuck like glue at school. The bullies had been just as mean, but it was easier to deal with when you had some one who knew what it felt like. And the music store. They'd loved the music store. Used to play different albums, the goal was to listen to all of them, and they'd started going alphabetically, one after another.

Josh had found some of his favorite bands that way.

 

He'd hated the swivel chair though, so he always sat right on the counter as Josh spun around, and they'd talk that way, about whatever whenever. If there were no words they'd listen, listen to the music or just sit contemplating. Mr. Toro seemed to enjoy their company too, as he often brought in extra snack with him, and trusted them to open or close up shop when he had other things to do.

 

Josh wiped the back of his hand across his face. He hadn't realized he was crying till the tears spilled over. He didn't know why the memories hurt him so much, a familiar ache reappearing in his chest, it was one that had been chased away for awhile, but now it opened like an old wound, bringing a brittle little smile to his face even as he blinked back tears.

 

It was several minutes before Josh was breathing evenly again, but he was good at this, at pulling himself together, shoving the emotions back where they came from.

 

Seemingly just in time too, because the familiar bell rang, notifying him some one had come into the store. He couldn't quite see them from here, but he decided to busy himself else where, so that any remaining tear tracks would disappear.

Josh spun around on the swivel stool behind the cash register, tapping out an imaginary beat against the counter, lost in the swirl of colors and song in his head when some one said something.

 

"Hey, are these guys any good?"

 

Josh put his foot down, dragging himself to a stop, facing the stranger, who wait. Wasn't that Tyler's brother?

 

"Huh, What?" Josh asks, not sure he'd heard right.

The boy held up an album Josh recognized it as "Reflection" by Mister Wives. "Is this a good album?" He repeats,

Josh shrugs.  "I guess it depends if you like that kind of music." 

 

The boy purses his lips, "It's not for me, I just, I want to get my brother some new music but I really don't know any of these bands."

Josh nods slowly, "Well, alright then, I can probably help... Does he like MCR? Uh, what's his name?" Josh was pretty certain this was Tyler's brother, but he had met the guy only once, and the boy was't acting like they knew each other.

 

"Dude, I'm Zach, Tyler's brother, remember? And I don't know, you probably know more than I, he only talks to you." Josh decides to ignore the tinge of bitterness in his voice because he's kind of just realized he get's to pick an album out for Tyler.

 

"Oh, yeah, sorry." He mumbles, a bit embarrassed, but quickly turning his attention as he searches through the stack of albums.

 

"Um, this one is really great," He starts, handing him "Fools" by Lauren Aquilina because it was one of Josh's favorite calm down and pick me up albums, but it had only a few songs so Josh didn't stop digging as Zach looked over the album curiously. "Oh, and he hasn't heard this one yet, it's Green Day and I think he'll really like it, I meant to get it for him actually, but then this whole grounded thing came up and..." Josh trailed off, not meaning to ramble as he handed over "21st Century Breakdown" by Green Day.

 

Zach nods slightly, "Alright, cool thanks. Ring me up?" Josh nods quickly going back behind the counter punching in the information. 

"So, um, is he still grounded?" Josh finally asks, unable to hold the question back.

 

Zach shakes his head, frowning, "No, he got his phone back this morning, you've not heard from him?"

 

Josh shakes his head, dread settling in his stomach and Zach suddenly looks a whole lot more concerned.

 

"Huh... well, I'll ask him to text you and tell you what he thinks of these." He says after a bit, taking his change and the CD's.

 

"See ya, Josh!" He calls, hurrying out.

 

"See ya." Josh returns, not half so cheery to the non cheery goodbye. Sighing heavily once more, letting his head fall into his hands, confused and tired.

 

Tyler had never said anything about not liking Josh, even just as a friend, they'd been close, and now nothing, even when Tyler was allowed he still wasn't talking to Josh.

And Josh didn't know why.

 

That bugged him, and it would continue to until he got answers, so obviously, Josh started to plan.

 

If Tyler wouldn't come to him, then Josh would just have to go to Tyler, and perhaps not use the door because that had not worked at all last time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay Alive frens |-/


	9. It Might Be Worthless

Maybe this was a bad idea....

Okay, Josh was certain this was a bad idea, but he couldn't be turned away again. He had to see Tyler.

Josh wasn't the best at stealth, but he thought he had done fairly well, though it didn't seem like there was any one home to see him slip into their back yard.

Tyler was always home though, he'd told Josh several times about his frustration about hating to leave the house yet still feeling left out when everybody else left to go about their 'normal' lives.

Turmoil was really the only word he could find to describe his thoughts right now. They were spinning and confused, but he had a destination, so he shoved it all away, focusing on his struggle to get to the next branch, then heaving himself onto the roof.

He'd learned this secret from Tyler, back when they first started talking, Tyler often had late nights where texting just wasn't enough, and Josh had volunteered to come over, but parents were never up for that plan. So he and Tyler had found another way, and Josh would struggle up the tree in the corner of the Josephs yard, and would cross the roof, usually Tyler would be out waiting for him, and then they'd just sit under a blanket, talking or just relaxing. Anything Tyler needed.

Josh sighed, hesitating once more, maybe he should turn back... but he had come this far.

Josh sighed once more, forcing his steps forward, there was no point in thinking any more.

Really, he just had to get this over with, like ripping off a band aid.

He needed to see Tyler.

 

Josh was considering whether he should knock on the window or just, well he didn't even know of an alternative, but he was trying to come up with one when he caught sight of Tyler, through his open window, of course, because Tyler didn't like closed windows.

He said when everything was closed it made him feel boxed up and he didn't like the door open, so his window was rarely closed.

That, however, was not what was on Josh's mind, because Tyler did not currently have any sort of jeans or sweatpants on.

Now, Josh had thought about what Tyler would like without clothes, like, the boy was gorgeous, of course he had wondered,. Those thoughts, however, were no where near his mind. 'Cause on Tyler's legs were angry red stripes.

Up and down, Criss-crossed,  Dark and light, Old and new.

The emotions that jumbled up inside Josh were indescribable. 

Sadness and pain and a longing to help and helplessness and a wish that he could've helped sooner and confusion and anger and love all thrown at him at once.

Something in his chest clenched tight and he almost sobbed right there.

Instead he, completely gracefully, tumbled in though Tylers' window.

 

Tyler spun around to see a completely shattered looking Josh in a pile on the floor.

Now usually, this is where Tyler would freak out about Josh seeing his legs and looking with puppy dog eyes, shining of heart break up at him except..... except...

This was the same face that had been reminding Tyler of all his flaws, who had been telling Tyler everything he hated about him for the last two weeks. Who'd reminded him of what a failure Tyler had become and that the only reason he had anybody was because of spite filled pity.

And he had never been there to help.

So instead of panic, anger welled up inside Tyler, and as Josh stood, looking like he was about to say something probably elegant and angst and or love filled. 

Tyler screamed at him.

Like, screamed as loud as he possibly could. The anger and pain he'd endured on rock bottom trying to express itself. 

The mere sight of Josh created such a intense feeling of hatred, Tyler couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand Josh.

Josh stumbled back, wide eyed and looking suddenly scared.

“Tyler-”

“No!” Tyler yelled, trembling, eyes burning,

“Get out Josh! You don't have to be my friend just out of pity! I. Don't. Need. You. Josh.” Tyler growled, the words that had been bottled up quickly slipping loose.

Josh looks confused and hurt? Good, he should be hurt, after what he's done.

He deserved it. Tyler was so focused with his anger, he didn't hear the underlying tone of Blurry Face in his words.

“Tyler, please just-”

“No!” Tyler yells again, frustrated. Josh needed to leave, he shouldn't be here. “Leave me alone!” He yells, grabbing the nearest thing, a shoe, and throwing it at Josh.

Josh manages to duck and scrambles backwards, “Okay, okay, I'm leaving.” He hurriedly agrees, total confusion written across his face, his eyes shining with the type of pain that only came from the betrayal of a close friend.

Tylers' nails are digging into his palms and he's still trembling slightly, but he just glares, watching as Josh scrambles back out of his window, watching until he's out of sight before he collapses onto the ground, the anger suddenly dissipating as quickly as it had flared.

“What an idiot, thinks he can treat you like that and just come around any time he wants.” A familiar wheezing chuckle sounds behind Tyler but Tyler doesn't look up, staring blankly at the ground, confused and still angry and in slight shock.

He just cant seem to grasp what just happened.

Why had Josh even been there?

Had he seen his scars?

Well, of course he had, they were obvious, and hard to miss... 

He was probably disgusted by Tyler now, thought he was even more weak and pathetic than he used to.

 

It didn't matter.

Josh didn't matter.  

Tyler feels tears slipping out of his eyes, and wonders almost offhandedly, whether they're from pain or anger.

Perhaps both, he muses, drawing in a deep breath, calming himself, feeling strangely detached, his emotions too strong to even be there any more.

Numb.

He doesn't feel and he doesn't care.

 

 

|-/StayAlive|-/

 

Josh is running.

Josh doesn't run.

He's not exactly unfit, banging away at drums and a not quite to standard self esteem has kept him from being just a little below weight, and he actually does do PE, looking at it as his only chance to workout that he'll actually do, seeing as he's too lazy to go to the gym himself.

But running is not his forte, and so him tearing down the street is not normal.

Him hopping a back fence and heading into the woods that lead out of town, is not normal.

Roots make him stumble, twigs and scrub brush are blurs that smack him if he doesn't duck or dodge, and snare him slowing him down.

Yet Josh doesn't stop.

He can't stop.

If he stops he'll have to face his thoughts, and he can't.

 

He doesn't slow till his sides are screaming from cramps.

Until his legs tremble and just collapse beneath him.

Till he can't run any further, his face and arms are stinging from scratches and he's wet from splashing through several shallow streams, oblivious to the freezing water and his now soggy sneakers.

He can't breathe.

He's wheezing in shallow breaths but it feels like he's having a panic attack and he just can't get air in.

 

In. Out.

 

Why had Tyler yelled at him?

 

In. Out.

 

Why had he screamed at him?

 

In. Out.

 

Why had he been so angry?

 

In. Out.

 

What had Josh done wrong?

 

In. Out.

 

He'd tried so hard, how could he have screwed this up?

 

In. Out.

 

He was such a fuck-up, he should've seen it coming, Tyler was amazing, he didn't need a wimp like Josh.

 

Josh gives up on breathing in and finally passes out.


	10. They Will Play a Game

Josh isn't out long, maybe a few minutes.

But when he comes to, he's disoriented, light filtering and blurring things together before they snap into focus once more.

 

The memories aren't far behind, and Josh quickly wishes for oblivion again. But he can't run from this any more. He feels nauseous and dizzy just thinking about standing. So he stays where he is, lying on the forest bed of dry grass, twigs, rocks and hard packed dirt.

Alternating between closing his eyes, seeing Tyler scream at him on replay, or staring at the trees towering above him, hearing Tyler's scream across the wind through the branches.

 

It's deafening and silent and Josh would cry if he could but he doesn't he's feel physically capable.

 

This is pointless.

Why is he even here any more?

Nobody wanted him, that much was obvious.

Even the kid the whole town thought was a screw up, hated Josh.

Josh didn't deserve to be there any more....

He was wasting oxygen, stealing from some one who actually had something to offer the world besides a load of anger and bitterness. 

 

What is it?

Minutes?

Hours?

Days?

Seconds?

Josh doesn't know, he doesn't move except to open and close his eyes, either way just as petrifying as the other.

It grows dark but Josh doesn't care, he watches idly as a spider crosses over him, what right does he have to kill it? At least it kills fly's and so helps others, that spider is doing more than Josh has ever done.

 

Should he get up?

The question swirls along with the hundreds of others, and get's lost in the mix, too disoriented to think straight, Josh just gives up and stares. 

 

|-/ STAYALIVE|-/

 

 

Tyler's in the position he's been in every day when Zach gets home. Curled up under his covers, staring blankly or asleep.

 

He's adopted the stare this time, dark eyes not acknowledging Zachs presence.

Zach feels guilty, he knows Tylers' not been feeling great, but with school and sports and friends, Zach has barely been around, which is partly why he got him the music. Also, Tyler's not grounded and he still hasn't spent more than half an hour out of bed, from what Zachs' heard. He's hoping the music will help, often Tyler just needs a little new inspiration, and it helps.

 

"Hey Tyler, I got you these." Zach speaks softly, sitting down on the edge of Tyler's bed, setting the two album on his night stand where Tyler can see them.

 

"Josh picked them out so... I think you'll like them," He says, and finally gets a reaction, and slight twitch, Tyler tenses up, but besides that says nothing, doesn't even look at Zach.

Zach sighs, "I'll see you later Tyler," He murmurs, because he has a game tonight, so whether or not he wants to, he has to leave.

 

He doesn't see the tears that track down Tylers face, or hear Blurry face bark out a bitter laugh, harsh hisses filling the open space. 

Tyler hates this.

Tyler hates Josh.

Why did he pick out the music?

What was his angle?

Why would he do that to Tyler, what did he get out of it?

Tyler chokes back the need to scream, his family is down stairs. They're leaving, but he can still hear them running around, preparing.

 

He can't sleep, he doesn't have the energy to stand.

Tyler hates doing nothing, yet he doesn't feel like he can do anything.

He's got no will to do something about his doing nothing.

So he lays there.

He stares at the two new albums in front of him.

He lays there.

He hears Blurry face's annoyed whispers, obviously displeased with his brother.

He lays there.

 

If Tyler wasn't so angry he would have already given into his burning curiosity already.

But he can't,

Josh picked them. Josh wasn't his friend, Josh only wanted to use him. He couldn't......

 

He lays there.

 

 

He lays there.

 

Then he's scrambling out of bed, he's digging for his walkman, the only disc player he has. Dragging out the player along with his headphones, he crawls back up onto the bed, grabbing the album from the top  of the stack.

"Fools" by Lauren Aquilina.

The albums cover is a mix of elegant and hinting at struggle, and Tyler approves very much. He struggles to take off the plastic wrap, his fingers feel clumsy and weak against the slippery wrapping, but he finally gets it open, ignoring Blurry's annoyed protests as he put's the disc in, fitting the headphones on how he like them and settling back before he presses play,

 

Piano music, a soft steady beat, a smooth voice enters soft and strong.

" Those hardest to love need it most  
I watched our bodies turn to ghosts  
Such good friends, it has to end it always does  
That's the way life is  
Do we take that risk?"

The words penetrate the wall of stone Tyler's built up, and it's almost painful to hear them, like Josh is the one singing to him.

 

"And so it all boils down to this  
We've got our aim but we might miss  
We are too fragile just to guess  
And I've been in this place before  
Fine as we are but we want more  
That's human nature at its best "

 

Tyler realizes that he's actually feeling pain, but even more than that.

He's feeling, he's not numb, he's not sickeningly angry.

He's in pain.

Beautiful pain.

And Tyler laughs, he laughs maniacally, near hysterical, loud and free, laughing with no reason and no purpose. He laughs until he's gasping, hysterical sounding giggles still making him shake, and he's missed a lot of the music but he doesn't care.

He feel's better, and it's strange. Maybe 'Laughter is the best medicine' is accurate, Tyler considers. Whether that's true or not, it doesn't matter, he's looser, not as tense as he was, and he kind of feels hungry without also feeling repulsed.

It's strange, but Tyler doesn't question it, he lays back, closing his eyes and listening to the words of the song that had come on without his notice.

 

" You've got it all  
You lost your mind in the sound  
There's so much more  
You can reclaim your crown  
You're in control  
Rid of the monsters inside your head  
Put all your faults to bed  
You can be king again "

 

It's smooth and sweet and strong and makes him feel like maybe there's some reason to get up.

Josh has good taste in music, Tyler will give him that.... Wait. 

Josh.

 

And Tyler doesn't wait for the song to end, he's scrambling out of bed once more, digging through the piles on the floor for some suitable clothes. Black skinny jeans and a long t-shirt and his hoodie. His shoes are tied a bit too tight, but Tyler doesn't care.

He has to see Josh.

He's running down the stairs when dizziness hits him and he stumbles. He hasn't eaten at all today, and barely the few days before. He's weak, his energy is extremely low, and his seeing spots dance before his eyes. He barely catches himself from falling, managing to sit down on the stairs, placing his head on his knees, trying to blink away the spots and clear his vision.

He has to see Josh.

And He's struggling to get back up.

He has to see Josh.

He yelled at him, come to think of it, Josh hadn't even been the one wrong. Blurry had been, the whole time, Tyler knew.

He has to see Josh.

But he's not exactly seeing anything beyond a dark abyss, and even as he tries to go down the rest of the stairs he feels the strange sensation of floating and falling, so slowly it's almost nice. And he's out before he hits the ground.

 

|-/ STAYALIVE|-/

 

 

Josh doesn't hear the siren go by, he doesn't know what's going on, because his on his roof, looking up at the stars, a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand, and his brain is fuzzy warm, because nothing matters.

No one cares because nothing matters. 


	11. Time Gains Momentum

Josh spent the morning retching over the toilet. His parent's didn't disturb him, which was sadly normal. His Dad probably didn't notice, and his mom was most likely out of the house, whether for work or just because she didn't want to be at home, she never said.

 

Josh's head hurt like it was split open and his throat burned from stomach acid. Every other minute he swore he would never drink again. 

 

He hated this feeling, a constant pounding dizziness, barely able to focus as he leaned against the wall beside the toilet. He did this every time he drank anything, though he had drunk much more than normal the night before, it was a miracle he hadn't tripped and fallen off the roof himself. He would have considered how he felt about this fact if he was able to put more than two words together, but he couldn't so he didn't bother.

 

Ibuprofen, several cups of water, another trip hanging over the toilet, than the trek back to his room and a two hour nap had him feeling almost normal, like he wasn't about to die from sheer pain.

It was several more hours in and out of sleep. He would wake up, his thoughts would soon over rule him and he would escape back to oblivion. Another hour and he found he couldn't sleep any more, he couldn't turn off his brain. He considered taking some sleeping pills, but the more he thought about it, the more overdosing them to see what would happen and if it could be any worse than this sounded like a good idea. So he decided not to, instead just laying under his covers, wishing the weight of them was enough to crush him, to shut down his brain.

 

Another hour and he heard his mom yelling upstairs that supper was ready. He didn't bother answering, he didn't want to bother getting up. There was no point. But his parents were strict about traditional family meals so soon his dad was banging on his door, telling him to get down to the table or he could say goodbye to the small make up collection his parents had finally relented to letting him keep. Josh considered putting up a struggle but then realized there was no point. Even if he did, his dad would just continue to threaten him until it got so bad Josh would welcome the overdosing on sleeping pills with welcome arms. So he slipped out of bed, pulling on some loose fitting jeans and hurrying down to join his parents at the dining table. The table was immaculately set, it was the only tradition Josh's family set in stone really, insisting that they eat together, that their manners be impeccable while they did so. Meaning Josh knew all the rules to fine dining, including children should not speak until spoken too, meaning Josh usually was forced to eat in complete silence.

 

The food was always good through, Josh would have to admit, he'd never tasted anyone else's cooking that could match his moms. Josh ate slowly, sitting up straight, listening to the soft scrape of utensils in the otherwise silent room. Wishing that he could just go back to his bed like a normal person could do in a normal family.

 

"So, what happen to Tyler?" His father's gruff voice broke the silence, and Josh looked up in surprise, he was rarely spoken to. And what did he mean about Tyler? He never asked about Tyler before, at least, not since he quit his appointments. Josh looked at hims eyebrows furrowed.

 

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously, he'd always been a bit afraid of his dad. His dad frowned, but he didn't look angry.

 

"Heard he went to the hospital last night." He commented. Josh's hand froze. His mom glanced at him sharply when his fork clattered back onto his plate.

 

"Oh, I didn't know," Josh murmured, stricken, "do you know if he's alright?" He asked anxiously, worry pooling in his gut. His Dad frowned disapprovingly at him but shook his head.

 

"No, figured you would, you two being so...close and all." Josh ignored the tone of distaste, not noticing and not caring.

 

"May I be excused?" He asked hurriedly, looking pleadingly towards his mom, she was sometimes sympathetic when it came to him and his friends, but she shook her head no.

 

"Eat first, then you may go." She said shortly. Josh gritted his teeth but did as he was told, his entire thought process had accomplished a complete 180 turning from his own misery to worrying about Tyler. He needed to know if he was alright.

 

What if he was seriously hurt?

 

What if he was dead?

 

Josh tried to push down his rising panic.

 

This was him all over again.

 

Josh was gonna fail another of his friends. He had failed terribly, he was disgusting.

 

Tyler was dead and it was all his fault. His breath was labored and he felt like he couldn't control his actions.

 

"Josh!" He registered his mom yelling at him and he realized he was sitting on the ground, having scrambled out of his chair at some point and his mom was staring in shocked concern while his dad crouched in front of him impatiently, trying to calm him by what? Waving his hands around? Josh wasn't sure but he managed to focus, struggling to get his breathing under control and finally succeeding.

 

"You can be excused." His mom sighed once it became clear he wasn't dying. Josh managed a grim, grateful smile but still took a couple of minutes to recover enough to stand up steady. The minutes were spent in awkward silence with his parents, realizing exactly how much of a failure they too thought he was. Then Josh was hurrying upstairs, throwing on a shirt that didn't smell like puke, though he didn't bother worrying about his jeans. Pulling on his shoes and grabbing his wallet he hurried downstairs and was surprised to see his dad of all people, standing ready to drive him, fidgeting with his keys as he waited.

 

"Ready?"  He asked, barely sparing Josh a glance.

 

Josh nodded, "Yeah," he breathed, surprised but relieved that he wouldn't have to run to the hospital, it was on the other side of town and Josh was likely to have a panic attack if he had all that time to walk and think.

 

It was best this way.

 

They took the minivan, with soft classical music playing, because his mom loved classical and left it playing and Josh was too preoccupied to care. Just glad that there was noise to focus on. The ride was fifteen minutes and thirteen seconds exactly until Josh was pushing the car door open and practically sprinting in the front doors and almost running into a lady in a wheelchair. He mumbled a hasty apology, skirting around her and slowing just a bit as he hurried towards the front desk.

 

"Hi, um, is there a Tyler Joseph here?" He asked the nurse, trying to enunciate his words because if he didn't she would never be able to understand his rushed mumble. The nurse held up a finger, telling him to wait as she typed in the name.

 

"Mmhmmm... Let's see, yes, he is. Are you a family member?" She asked eyeing him, Josh shook his head,

 

"No but I really need to see him, please." He begged, the nurse looked kindly enough.

 

But she sighed, "I'm afraid only family members are allowed to see him at the time being." She said sympathetically.

 

Josh bit his lip, "Please," He tried again, "I'm his boyfriend, we, we got into an argument. I just need to know he's okay." He pleaded earnestly. The nurse sighed again, softer this time, giving him a small smile,

 

"Well, who am I to stand in between young love." She mused softly, "He's in room 123 on the second floor." She told him quietly, "but you didn't hear that from me." She said with a conspiratory wink.

 

Josh gave her a grateful smile, too agitated to do much else as he rushed to catch the elevator. He punched the button for the second floor and bounced nervously on his toes as the elevator moved, taking him up against gravity, the doors sliding open with that dinging sound. Josh restrained from running down the halls, taking long strides as he followed the numbers through the maze of bright white and off cream walls and doors. His sole purpose to find Tyler, he couldn't even begin to think what would happen after he found him, he just searched, getting more scared by the second.

 

By the time he found the room he was ready to burst in and tackle Tyler in a hug, but he hesitated.

 

Drawing in deep breathes he calmed his pounding heart. He didn't know the story, he needed to be collected when he went in, so he spent an excruciating moment collecting the pieces of his shattered mind before he pushed the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N. I feel bad that this is such a filler, I'm sorry, also, sorry for yet another cliff hanger, those are tough, I know.
> 
> Sorry again.
> 
> Comment and tell me what you think!
> 
> I love you Frens |-/


	12. A Re-beginning Moments Mending Memories

**Beep**

 

 

**Beep**

 

 

**Beep**

 

 

**Beep**

 

 

**What?**

Tyler wasn't certain but he was suspicious. He had woke up like this before, though it seemed like a lifetime ago.

A different Tyler, a different life... except it wasn't.

It was the sound that registered first, the constant beeping, then came the cold, prickling feeling,  the one you got when you just knew you weren't home any more, you weren't safe....

Then came the memories along with the flooding realization that he was in the hospital it worried him because the hospital was never a good place to wake up. And Tyler wasn't quite sure why he was here, his memories felt fuzzy, out of reach, like he had been in a daze for the past several days and had just awoken.

He didn't want to open his eyes, but he also wanted answers. But he also still felt exhausted and could go back to sleep...

But what was that?

There was something resting on Tyler's side, not too heavy just, something laid there across the bed, up almost onto Tyler's stomach, draped like a thick blanket, or stack of ones... Now fully alert he could actually feel the light pressure. That and the beeping wasn't the only sound in the room, soft breathing, deep and even, possibly being in sync with Tylers before, but now that Tyler had woken, his breathing had quickened and he could hear it more clearly, there was some one else in the room.

 

**Beep**

 

**Beep**

 

**Beep**

 

**Beep**

 

The heart monitor picked up slightly as Tyler cracked an eye open, his vision swimming around slightly before it cleared and Tyler could see the figure fast asleep in the chair beside his bed. Obviously having dozed off and laid his head on his arms, perhaps unwittingly on Tyler. A very... familiar face lay sleeping, a face that brought the past few days memories storming through Tylers mind making him catch his breath.

**Beep**

**Beep**

**Beep**

**Beep**

 

He closed his eyes breathing in long shaky breaths, calming himself, trying to regain control of his rampaging emotions, he felt the weight on his stomach shift and suddenly lift free and immediately missed the extra warmth it gave him.

He didn't want to face this, he couldn't face Josh, not after... but he had to, he had to make things right, even if Josh would hate him for it. He took in one more deep breath finally feeling less like he was on the verge of a panic attack and peaked his eyes open. He smiled slightly despite himself when he saw Josh still in the process of waking up, still looking groggy and bewildered as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, blinking rapidly afterward, and, as he watched, Tyler could pinpoint the moment Josh also remembered everything. 

The dejected, hurt and scared look that spread across his face made Tylers heart ache for him.

He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked by it's favorite owner and it made Tyler wanted to find a way to just fix it, because Josh Dun deserved better.

Josh Dun deserved better than Tyler could ever offer. He should send him away, he should tell him he still hated him and let Josh go and leaving the entire blame on Tyler, make it easier to leave without having to feel unneeded guilt. But Tyler was selfish.  He didn't want Josh to leave. He wanted him to stay forever. He wanted to be his one and only, he wanted him to look past Blurry Face and see Tyler for who he was.

So he didn't.

He couldn't bring himself to say anything as Josh looked at him, anxious and worried for him and pleading and all things pure and Tyler hated himself even more for it.

"T-Tyler?" The voice is soft, unsure and sweet and smooth and Tyler didn't realize how much he missed that voice.

He thinks he may very well have found Blurry Faces polar opposite, and he wants him to stay more than the demon who'd stuck with him since child hood. He wanted Josh to stay and to talk with his amazing and sweet voice and just be with Tyler.

"Josh...." Tyler breathes, his voice scratchy and rough from being out of use. Josh offers him a weak smile, before it crumbled again and he cast his eyes down.

"You were um, like malnutrition-ed or something, that's what the doctors said, though they used a lot of fancy words that I couldn't understand, but basically you haven't been eating near enough, or drinking enough, so they had to stick a tube down your throat while you were asleep and you were out most of the day, at least that's what they told me, I got here late and they were nice enough to let me stay and keep an eye on you." Josh started talking and the words overflowed, bubbling forth like a spring, unable to hold back, babbling nervously to cover up his anxiety.

"Josh," Tyler murmured, trying to stop the overflow of information, he needs Josh to listen to him. "And I was so worried about you Tyler, God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I swear, I just needed to see you, you hadn't texted and I was so worried and I didn't mean to barge in or anything. I'm so sorry Tyler, and when they told me you were in the hospital I panicked, I'm sorry, I thought that maybe, maybe you took the blade a little too deep and I thought I lost you Tyler I-" Josh sounded near hysteria, throughout his words he had stood, pacing slightly unable to stay still with the emotions raging through him, and his eyes were bright in the dim lamp light, full of barely held back tears.

"Josh!" Tyler managed again, his voice breaking with emotion and Josh spins to face him, their eyes locking.

A broken hearted stare, with too many tears between them to speak of and Tylers struggling to sit up properly and then Josh is there, strong hands helping him and Tyler grabs one, lacing their fingers together as words spill out.

"Josh, it's alright, I'm sorry, I messed up I didn't mean to, I just forgot-  I'm sorry, it's not your fault, I love you, I'm sorry Josh I'm so sorry, I swear, Jo-" His words are unguarded and earnest and he needs Josh to know it wasn't his fault, because to Tyler, Josh is perfect and if he becomes imperfect, then what hope does Tyler have.

His words are cut off as lips are pressed against his and they're smooth and soft and firm and it's sweet and chaste and a little awkward due to their position but Tyler doesn't care. And he's wrapping an arm around Josh's shoulders, clinging tightly to him, kissing softly back and it's sweet and a sudden calming, grounding and beautiful and as perfect as Josh's smile and Tyler doesn't feel so overwhelmed.

He feels safe.

**Beep beep beep beep beep**

His monitor is going crazy, but really it's just depicting how Tyler feels right now he's sure, because his heart is going as crazy as his mind.

The moment last forever, but then it doesn't and Josh is pulling back and his smile is a little stronger, sweet and sad and it doesn't crumble, though his eyes are still brighter than normal, it's happier now, more at peace.

"I love you too, Tyler Joseph."  He says softly and Tyler barely stops from tackling him, because he can't, he's still got needles in his arm and he's sitting down on the bed, but he does pull Josh forward gently by the sleeve, enveloping him in a tight hug.

Josh is the best at hugs, Tyler learned this a long time ago, because he's warms and got these soft shoulders that Tyler can rest his head on and cry into them if he needs to. And Josh doesn't pull away, he just hugs back and rubs Tylers back and occasionally leaves soft kisses on Tyler's shoulder, as if to say he's the most precious thing in the world, and Tyler adores it. Tyler needs this right now, to cling to something, to cling to some one he can trust, and he trusts Josh, he sees that now. 

He loves Josh.


	13. I'm Winning a Momentary Sinning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N. OMG! Guys thank you for alll your amazing comments, like they were amazing and Thank you so much!!!!!!  
> Seriously, here's your reward, lovelies, learn from this, the more comments, the more the updates ^^  
> Stay Alive |-/

Tyler checked himself in the mirror once more.

Josh had said casual-formal so Tyler had his sleeveless, black button up on, he wished it had come with sleeves, he didn't like the way it showed off his arms.

At least, unlike most would guess, he wasn't vampire pale. Mainly because he spent most of the summer in the woods, it being the better choice between that or staying inside, listening to the house fill up with laughter and slamming doors and shouting and just noise. It sounded like a barnyard on steroids everyday and Tyler could not handle that.

Plus, Tyler didn't hate the outdoors, there were just times when he literally felt too weak to leave his room, then he'd spend weeks indoors. Not that that all mattered, but it was nice now because he had a darker complexion than he would have had if he hadn't. Black skinny jeans, clean ones, for once, and black vans made him feel like maybe he was going a little darker than usual, so he grabbed his lighter gray-ish hinting at blue, jacket and decided to shove the matter out of his thoughts. there was no point in dwelling, and his excitement pushed any other anxieties out of the way.

The doorbell shook him out of his thoughts and he quickly grabbed his satchel, the one Josh had bought him no more than a week ago....

 

* * *

 

_"Oh come on!" Josh  was doing that thing again._

_Tyler wasn't quite sure why, but he was doing it, and it wasn't a bad thing, so Tyler didn't object._

_He'd noticed 'normal' people tended to do this anyway, so he figured he may as well just watch.  It had taken Tyler hours to build up the courage to come, and Josh hours of convincing Tyler that it would be okay to go outside around people, but they were finally here and Tyler had to admit he was enjoying it, even their current state of Tyler watching Josh who was watching the game where you threw the ball and knocked down the bottles._

_Josh was intent and seemingly exasperated since the last five contestants had all come no where close to knocking all the bottles down. Tyler didn't see what the fuss was all about, it was just a game that was most likely rigged, sure there were some cool prizes, but no reason to fuss about. But he didn't say anything, content to eat his cotton candy, courtesies of the lovely Josh Dun._

_"It's obviously rigged, like you're supposed to knock seven of them down, and every one just throws towards the largest pile, why? It's the outside few that can actually be hit, they're the only ones you ever see getting knocked over." Said lovely Josh Dun huffs, eyes intent as another person tries and yet again fails._

_Tyler shakes his head and shrugs, "Maybe it's not so much winning the game as the novelty of playing..." He says eyes wandering over the crowds, wondering why there was such novelty in a game at all. At the end of the day the game wouldn't matter as most other things, what would matter though, what would make the difference is how you felt. Josh glances at him, a funny, admiring? smile curling his lips._

_"How do you mean?" He asks, sensing a thought train behind Tylers words. Tyler grins happily, he didn't know why, but every time Josh showed interest in what he was thinking, just proving that he actually cared, it made Tyler feel like he actually mattered._

_"Um, well," Tyler hesitated slightly straightening his thoughts to get them into real words. "Like, when you play a game, whether you win or you lose, if you're with friends and having a good time winning or losing, you're gonna go home and remember what a great day it was. If you play the game for the game, and you win but you didn't enjoy it, it'll be forgotten and if you lose, you'll feel like a disappointment." Tyler explained waving his hands around as he talked as if to illustrate his point and almost smacking Josh with his cotton candy. Josh was staring at him again, but Tyler couldn't interpret his look, he was starry eyed and had this amazing smile on but he was quiet as if struck speechless.  "Or, y'know, they want to beat the system by winning a game that is rigged to be impossible." Tyler rephrased lightly and Josh laughed hopping up from the stool he was sitting on, giving Tyler a quick grin as he stepped up to the stand, fishing out the two dollars from his pocket._

_"Nothings impossible Tyler." He said taking the rubber balls handed him. Tyler laughed shaking his own head in slight bemusement as to why Josh would even bother. Well, novelty, he supposed watching fondly from his own seat, admiring his view._

_There was no denying that Josh was hot, even crazy Joseph could see that. Beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, beautiful smile, beautiful arms and legs and torso and just._

_Some times Tyler wondered if he was even real, like maybe it was just another imaginary friend made up to compete against blurry face for him. But Tyler didn't think his mind could ever create some one as amazing and caring as Joshua Dun._

_Honestly, Tyler was not at all surprised to see Josh win the game, going for the pins he had seen already knocked down. Josh was fitter than Tyler had ever dreamed to be, and he had excellent control over his body, some of it natural, some of it gained by his constant drumming.  Josh won then, curiously enough, picked out a brown, large and rectangular, leather purse, or bookbag, it was too big to really be a purse._

_"This, my dear Tyler Joseph, is for you!" Josh said grandly stepping over and bowing before handing it too him, drama in every move. Tyler raised a sardonic eyebrow._

_"Why would I want a purse?" He asks, genuinely curios, because Josh had reasons for things, even if he didn't know it. Josh pretended to look shocked._

_"My dear lad, this is not a purse. This here is a satchel, worthy of the knights of old!" He says sweeping an arm out as if to gesture to the imaginary knights in question. Tyler kept the unconvinced facade, because it was hilarious to watch Josh flounder and attempt to sell his point._

_Josh shakes his head making a tsking sound. "Also," He says in a more normal tone, "It's big enough for you to put that sketchbook in, the one you're always taking to the park, along with your pens and stuff." He points out and Tyler gets it. And Tyler wants to squeal like a fangirl and just hug Josh and kiss him, and wait._

_They were on kissing terms, and Tyler can't believe he's doing it but he stands up and wraps his arms around Josh's neck, lifting himself slightly in his tiptoes because for some reason Josh is still taller than he, and he kisses him, trying not to ruin it with the smile fighting to break across his face.  And it doesn't help that Josh's amazing strong and warm arms make him want to smile more. But Josh is a good kisser, so it's not too difficult._

_Josh grins at him when he pulls back, "Hmmm, if I play again will I win another of those?" He asks, teasingly._

_Tyler smirks, "Nope, but I might sell you another if you'll take me on the ferris wheel, I've heard the view is amazing, just like this one." He said, with a wink, so he liked to attempt flirting too, sue him._

_It worked anyway, so Tyler didn't bother feeling embarrassed._

* * *

 

Josh is at the door, hands in pocket, looking effortlessly flawless when Tyler opens the door.

"Hey, Tyler Joseph. How ever did you managed to look even more amazing than yesterday, I could've sworn it was impossible. " Josh grinned brightly.

Tyler almost swooned. But he just shook his head, a blush brushing his cheeks. "It's just your reflection you see." He quipped, Josh laughed, shaking his head at Tyler adoring eyes fixating on the beautiful boy. "Well princess, you ready to go?" Josh asked, grin still in place.

Tyler offered his hand, he could be classy at times.  "I'd thought you'd never ask." He said and they walked, Tylers hand enveloped in Josh's larger warm hand.

Tyler hadn't a thought of Blurryface, hadn't for awhile now.

He wasn't home when Tyler returned from the hospital.

He wasn't there the nights Tyler and Josh spent watching movies and growing ever closer, becoming inseparable.

He hadn't even been in Tyler's dreams.

Tyler didn't know why and he had shoved his fears down so far already they were all but forgotten.

So it was little wonder that he never noticed the unusual out of place shadow behind them, or feel the pure, anger fueled hatred radiating from it as they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N.
> 
> I know this is a bit of a filler, but trust me, more will be coming soon.
> 
> Sorry!
> 
> Stay Alive Frens |-/


	14. I Could Have Been a Better Man

_Tyler's POV_

 

Josh shakes his head, laughing at Tyler, but Tyler's not quite sure why, well, okay, he does know why, but he doesn't care.

“I am not dancing to some 80's song.” Josh protests even as Tyler drags him out of his seat.

They're at “The Heist”, a city away from their own, and the classiest casual place Tyler has ever had the blessing to go to. All dark cherry wood and tasteful, almost vintage decorations, with a polished dance floor and a jukebox.

The difference between The Heist and most teen hang outs, is it requires some class, it is just shy of having a dress-code and it costs a little more than most places, you have to pay to get in. But the food is good and the atmosphere is welcoming and Tyler loves it.

“If you don't then who'll dance with me.” Tyler giggles leading Josh onto the floor Josh sighs slightly, resigning himself.

Tyler doesn't know how to dance, so they just get in the standard, old fashioned waltzing stance and twirl around to “I Cant Fight This Feeling Anymore”. They are worn out from a day of running around museums, but the fatigue recedes in the moment and it's just them, and Tyler loves it.

_Josh's POV_

Josh has been here only once before, with the only other person who'd been able to make him feel like Tyler did.

Josh sighs slightly, resigning himself to a dance, because Tyler is happy and looks so much better than he used to.

So he's not too upset but he doesn't know how to dance, which is obvious after a little awkward jumping around.

So they just kind of twirl around, ballroom style and Josh feels like he's in a dream and he's a twelve year old girl with her true love in some Disney movie and that's okay.

Josh can't help but be amazed, in awe of Tyler.

He can't even begin to tell how much closer they had grown in just the last month, and Tyler had been doing so much better. His progress was undeniable and Josh hoped the worst was behind them.

_Tyler's POV_

“It's time for Animaniacs” The screen sings out the familiar tune and Tyler doesn't understand why they are watching this cartoon, or even what the cartoon is, but it doesn't matter cause it's the funniest thing he's ever seen and bonus he gets to curl up in Josh's side. It's  ridiculously warm and soft and firm and Josh is a perfect body pillow and he radiates heat. He's like a human furnace and it is amazing.

Tyler's drifting off, in between sleep and reality when it first hits him.

 _ **A sudden jarring of sound, as if static just screamed in his ears and distorted flashing images race pass his vision and Tyler screams in surprise and a sudden paralyzing fear grips him.** _ Things stopped as soon as they started and he's left shocked and disoriented, trying to make sense of what was going on, and Josh is worriedly hovering and suddenly Tyler's  pulled back in again.

_Static filling his ears, Josh's face transforms into a hideous, leering monster, laughing at him. And there's blood dripping and he feels something grip his wrist in an iron grip._

_“You think I would leave that easily Tyler? Pathetic, I leave you for a little while and you grow lazy and weak. You're pathetic.”_ **_Blurry growls and Tyler can almost see him, just at the corner of his peripheral vision. He can see him enough to see he's grinning, mouth red as if bloody. “_** _You're funny Jospeh, crazy Joseph,”_ ** _Blurry singsongs. He looks up, blissfully smiling, “I_** _have to go now, but I'll see you soon Tyjo, you and that pet of yours.”_ ** _He snickers and then the statics gone, disappeared, vanished as if it were never there._**

His vision resurfaces and Josh is there, looking scared and Tyler realizes they're on the floor and Tyler is shook.

“Are- are you okay?” Josh's voice is a near whisper. Tyler looks up at him and suddenly realizes his throat hurts and his face feels puffy with tears.

“N-N-Not really.” Tyler mutters, he can't figure out what happen, but he's still trembling and he's scared and he can't.

Figure.

it.

Out.

What even?.

Josh looks concerned, more than Tyler has a right for him to be, and he crouches down, scooping him up bridal style and carrying him to his room, not bothering to turn on the light and laying him on his bed.

“Here, why don't you sleep.” He says softly, and why?

**_Tyler isn't a baby, why is he treating Tyler like one?_ **

**_Why would blurry let him do this to some one?_ **

“Do you want me to get you anything?” Josh asks gently.

Tyler scowls at him feeling an irrational surge of anger.

 ** _What gave Josh the right?_**      

“Fuck you.” Tyler retorts Josh flinches back, looking confused.

“Uh, sorry?”  He says uncertainly.

“Why don't you leave me alone? I have no need for you right now.” Tyler doesn't know why he's saying these thing, he doesn't want to.

He just feels such intense hatred and anger and bitterness, like nothing is right, right now everything is wrong.

Josh looks hurt but he doesn't leave. “Not right now, I don't think you should be alone.” Josh says firmly yet soft, and to Tyler surprise, crawls into bed beside him.

“Didn't you hear me? Get lost. Leave, idiot.”  Tyler hissed. Josh just gives him a wry smile and shakes his head.

“Not tonight princess.” He says softly, wrapping his arms around Tyler and Tyler's sudden flare of anger dissipates, calming him considerably and he suddenly feels ashamed, exhausted, and like a complete idiot.

Josh was the only one who ever cared.

Why would he ever let him go?

Why would he ever want him to leave his side?

He feels a sob catch in his throat even as the words run through his head. “I'm sorry,” Tyler croak's his voice hoarse and quiet, turning over to face Josh.

Josh just shakes his head pulling Tyler close. “I know. It's alright Tyler,” Josh whispers, “I've got you, it's all gonna be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N Ugh, sorry this is so short and crappy, life's got me kind of reeling right now and I keep centering in on this story, so expect more very soon. ^^
> 
> Thank you all so much for your previous comments, they were amazing and I loveluvlavlevlivlovlavilylove them all!
> 
> I know it's not great, but I'm trying, so if you guys would leave me comments I swear I will be eternally grateful <3
> 
> CommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcommentCommentcommentcomment
> 
> Sorry, I'm a comment whore~
> 
> Anyway, Stay Alive Frens!|-/
> 
> p.s comment


	15. They Know What You're Going Through

Josh is gone when Tyler wakes up, but there's a quickly scribbled down note waiting on his beside table, apologizing for having to run off for school and promising to come back if Tyler needed him again tonight.

Tyler felt confused and stressed and just wrong.

He felt uncomfortable in his own skin and he didn't know why the note bothered him, but it did.

He spent half the morning in the shower, lashing out at nothing every few minutes, until he finally broke down, crying hysterically until some one banged on the door, demanding to know if he was okay.

Despite the emotional trek he went through, he still felt terrible after the shower, like something was still off.....

He ended up pulling on people appropriate clothes and shoes, heading out the back door without so much as a goodbye as he started running. Running to outrun the thing that scratched at his mind, following him like a second shadow. He ran through the woods, down the old, barely used highway, all the way to Old Man Mackenzies Bridge, before spinning around and running back. He didn't even get side stitches as he practically flew over the ground, feeling more terrified with each step, like the thing was getting closer....

It was the next night when it hit him again....

Tyler shook, he couldn't handle this, something was screaming in the static, bright, blinding  figures threw colors into his eyes and some one was laughing. Blurry was laughing, insane and inhumane and wild laughter that has Tyler in hysterics. He can't think, he doesn't know time, he doesn't know time. But suddenly it stops again, gone as quick as the last. Tyler's  curled up on the ground and  there's dead silence as he rises. Something is wrong. He doesn't feel right. He feels wrong, angry and bitter and disgusted by humanity because they never paid attention to him. He deserved attention. Josh is there, terrified and staring, in mute silence at Tyler, face pale and Tyler could feel his disgusted, he was disgusted by him, well what gave him the right? He was disgusting! He was disgusting with the pity that radiated in their friendship.

_**PitypityitypitypitypitypitypitypityPitypityitypitypitypitypitypitypityPitypityitypitypitypitypitypitypity** _

The word chanted through his head, reverberating around his skull.

“No no no no no!” Tyler yelled at him, he wasn't right, he wasn't supposed to be here, he was human, he was wearing human skin.

He scratched at his wrist, clawing at the skin to get if off , he needed to be free.

**_DisgustingDisgustingDisgustingDisgustingDisgustingDisgustingDisgustingDisgustingDisgusting_ **

There's yelling.

Someone's yelling at “Tyler”

That's Not His Name!

That's Not His Name!

_**TylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTylerTyler** _

It screams to him, word running rampart around his brain and he needs to get out of this skin.

But now he can't move, somethings stopped his frantic tearing, strong arms are wrapped around him, pinning his arms to his side. Tyler lashes out, kicking and hitting but soon sobs soon take over his body and he's crying once more, collapsing back against Josh, turning slightly to more comfortably breakdown. And Josh stayed, rubbing his back, settling them down on the ground until Tyler fell asleep.

Josh came over once again the next night and when Tyler woke up screaming from a nightmare, he held him steady until Tyler came to his senses and  spent the next hour sobbing into Josh's shoulder, soaking Josh's shirt in tears an snot.

Josh came over whenever Tyler needed him. Josh came over a lot.

Tyler took up running.

Everyday.

Everyday he'd go out and run for hours, just trying to escape the thing in the back of his mind.

He never saw blurry, yet it was like he was there, just out of sight, just out of Tyler's peripheral vision, laughing always.

It frustrated Tyler and his temper grew shorter day by day.

His nerves fraying up like ends of a rope.

Josh practically lived at Tyler's house now, he seemed to be the only one who could calm Tyler down when he got worked up. But Josh was growing weary too. Everyday with a little less sleep, everyday he was a little worse at avoiding the bullies at his school, everyday his parents got a little more annoyed at his constant absence from the dinner table. Zach stopped sleeping in the room entirely, his parents obviously noting Tyler's  worsening condition and seeing Josh's presence as a sort of antidote, they were willing to relocate Zach into the guest bedroom.

At first they asked the two boys to keep the door open, but after Tyler woke the whole house from a simple night terror, terrifying every one else, they were allowed to keep it closed, encouraged even. His parents fought more often, he could hear them, his mother's concern aggravating him to no end, and his fathers complete ignorance disgusting him. The days grew longer and Josh started to become zombie like.

Tyler grew frazzled and jumpy.

He barely noticed Josh's worsening state, his mind was too busy trying not to go completely insane.

He struggled with the constant urge to cut, or just throw himself off the roof to get some peace and quiet. But he couldn't, he had to stay alive for Josh...                              

 He had to stay alive for Josh....                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

He couldn't shake the feeling though.

No matter what he did, there was an anger, a hatred the burned behind his eyes.

Whenever Josh was there Tyler clung to him, feeling disgusting for acting needy, but he needed Josh to be there, to help him cope.

When Josh wasn't there Tyler exhausted himself, running, screaming, playing the pianos in what could only be described as violent. Other times he'd fall into a dark, mournful place and he could barely managed to do anything besides write.

It was like all his energy just decided to crash, leaving him in a heap of misery and anger.

He wrote more though, in these moods, scribbling down dark poetry and soon he found himself just writing, writing to no one.

Writing to describe what was wrong when he didn't know what it was himself. Wadded up papers sprouted like weeds around his room, and then the words started to direct themselves. Tyler wasn't even sure but he soon found himself with lengthy letters written to Josh.

It wasn't long after he realized he was coming just shy of writing suicide notes. The realization made him sob and gather up all the notes in a frenzy of activity, shoving them all in a trash-bag and then carrying it out to the dumpster himself, tossing it in and sitting beside it. He had to make sure the garbage truck came for it, no loose ends. He sat there for hours, chewing his fingernails down till they no longer deserved the name.                                                                                                                                       

He sat there until his mom came home and saw him, she looked even more tired then Tyler remembered and she sounded both concerned and exasperated as she explained the garbage truck didn't come until the next day. Tyler had to admit he was disappointed. Do one could see the letters.... But he had to shrug off his paranoia and follow his mom inside.                                                                

He sat at the kitchen table as his mom started pulling things out of the cupboards, she seemed pleased for what reason Tyler didn't know. She talked too, which, where as once, Tyler would have been okay with sitting and listening, he now felt annoyed.

He didn't want to hear about her perfect life outside the home, or learn of all Zach's recent achievements in basketball, or Madison's progress on the piano, and all about the recital she'd had and the ones up and coming, or the gossip flying around the church family as of late. At least, all the gossip that didn't include him or Josh. She asked a few questions to, how he was doing, how Josh was, if Josh was coming over. Tyler gave a shrug as a reply and she seemed to accept that, thankfully not prying into any more of his private life. The kitchen soon started to fill up with what most would call, savory smells of heavenly goodness. But The more Tyler smelled, the more he wanted to empty his stomach into the toilet. The thought of food that had any real taste made him nauseous, but the thought of going back up stairs where that dark feeling still hung over his room, made him shudder, so he stayed down. Helped his mom set the table and even sat through a slightly awkward supper with his siblings and helped his mom do the dishes, it brought back memories of other times.

When he was younger and he actually cared about what his parents thought of him, and actually wanted to help out around the house and not feel useless. He loved doing the dishes with his mom. It made him feel calmer to wash away the grime and create something shiny and make it better.  

It was hours, but all too soon he was back in his room, staring at the wall, feeling the terrible thing in the back of his mind, and wishing Josh was there already, because he couldn't face this alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Hiiiiya, sorry this sounds like such a filler, it isn't i swear more is coming, and it will come even faster the more you comment!
> 
> Comment please?
> 
> Stay Alive Frens |-/


	16. don't leave me alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N. guys, guys please. please don't let this be a flop. Please. I really hope you like this. I tried, I really really did.

“Tyler, what happened?”

 

“I-I don't know.”

 

“Tyler....did you kill Joshua Dun?”

 

“No! No! I was trying- I was trying to protect him, I just wanted to protect him!”

 

“Then tell me Tyler, who did you kill?”

 

“Blurry Face, I killed Blurry Face.”

 

 

 

Josh's POV

 

 

Josh couldn't deal with this, not right now.

He was exhausted, and he couldn't focus on who Sir Isaac Newton was or what all he did, but he was trying to.

He really really was.

Scribbling down notes at seven in the morning, trying to get his homework done. He was at home, which was quickly becoming a rarity for him, he had, however, left his homework there the night before and so had to book it straight from the Joseph's house to his own room before it was time to catch his bus.

His fingers felt clumsy and his handwriting was all but illegible because he had stayed up over half the night before trying to keep Tyler from jumping off the roof or running screaming into the night.

The softest of tapping on his door made him jump and his eyes flew up to see his dad standing in the door with an almost concerned look.

“Hey kid, can I come in?” Josh shrugs, not like he actually has a say, but he appreciates the gesture.

His dad sighs and comes in, taking a seat on the bed beside Josh. “So, your mom and I were talking.... we're worried about you Josh. We admire what you're trying to do for Tyler, but it's not good for your health. You're tired, your grades are slipping and you're barely home. We've talked to the joseph's and they told us they've found a place that they want to send Tyler to, a hospital a few hours from here where he can get the proper care he needs. But we think you need a break to. So first thing saturday we're leaving, as a family, we're taking a holiday.”

Josh can't deal with this. He cant comprehend what his dad is saying. He can't leave Tyler. Tyler needed him. But his plea to stay stopped before it could become audible his father seeing his words before he could voice them.

“No Josh, this is not optional, it's whats best for you and Tyler. Now you better hurry, the bus won't wait for no man.” He said, giving him a wry smile and tousling his hair like he was five again. Josh just stares, confounded and bemused as his dad leaves, trying to register his words even as he starts shoving partly done homework into his raggedy backpack.

 

 

 

Josh shifted his backpack, he had been making this trek everyday after school, taking his homework with him to do in Tyler's room, staying over many nights and getting up at stupid o clock in the morning to catch the school bus even the bullies seemed to have started avoiding him, perhaps his zombie like state had finally scared them off.... or perhaps he had sunk so low even they pitied him and were trying to give him a break.

Whatever, Josh knew his attachment issues were unhealthy, but he didn't care.

The only thing that mattered was getting Tyler through this phase alive, he was around Tyler as much as humanly possible, and though he hated to admit it, Tyler's clingyness was almost nice.

Like, sure he wished Tyler would get better, of course he did, but it made Josh feel needed, feel actually wanted.

Josh needed to feel wanted some times. He walked onward, driven only by will power, heading the familiar path to the Joseph household.

One foot after another.

Why was he giving his life to Tyler?

Josh honestly didn't know.

Young love was supposed to be stupid.

It was supposed to be the highschool romance everyone dreamed of where you go out, get your first kiss, have a grand time, break up at prom, get your heart broken, then start all over again the next year.

This was not that.

This was life sucking, till the only things left were him and Tyler and all they could do was cling to each other and hope to float in the sea of darkness they were drowning in.

H had even had to ask Mr. Toro for a break at the music store, telling him a little bit about the situation. Mr. Toro had been chill about it, because he was awesome, and Josh already knew that, saying Josh would have first dibs on the job if he ever came back.

So Josh's Saturdays had been freed up and were spent, of course, at the Josephs house, and he stayed Sunday mornings with Tyler while his family went to church.

For Josh to be at his own home was practically a miracle these days.

But it was necessary.

Tyler just seemed to get worse, constantly paranoid and out of sorts.

Night terrors plagued him and recently daytime terrors to. Almost like hallucinations, he would just fall to the ground screaming and it terrified Josh. Tyler would lash out when anybody tried to help him in this state and Josh had scratches to prove it.

Josh was worried, really really worried, about the Joseph's decision to send Tyler away, but there was nothing he could do about it. He hadn't told Tyler about his own leaving either, worried Tyler would freak out on him. He had written down a note though, well drafter several hundred, he just didn't know if he would actually have the guts to tell him before he left.

Yes. Josh knew he was an idiot. No he didn't care.

Josh didn't even knock anymore, when he got to the Joseph's house, going in the backdoor that lead through the laundry room, as was his habit. He forced a smile at Mrs. Joseph who smiled wearily back, returning to her work, more at peace now that Josh was there to take over Tyler.

Despite all, Josh's footsteps quickened as he neared Tyler's room, taking the stairs two at a time.

Tyler was hunched over his desk, scribbling something down, eyes ringed with dark shadows focused intently. Josh didn't know why, but he was pretty sure Tyler was still the most amazing sight he had ever seen.

But his baggy clothes could not disguise how thin he was growing and quickly to, it scared Josh, like everything else.

Josh didn't disturb him, moving softly across the room, letting Tyler be.

Tyler's words were mumbled and Josh couldn't decipher them.

The room was a mess, pretty much a visual representation of his life right now and Josh couldn't help but noticed there weren't near as many wads of papers as there usually was.

Styrofoam plates and cups however were scattered everywhere, along with other trash and clothes, both Tyler's and Josh's.

Josh took a seat on the bed, pulling out his own stack of homework, as long as Tyler wasn't freaking out, he would be okay.

Josh spent the next half an hour agonizing over the horrors of pre-calc and getting very little done.

Tyler spent it mumbling to himself and furiously scribbling on paper, filling sheet after sheet with dark marks when he suddenly spun to Face Josh.

“Who is Blurry Face?!” He asked, voice hoarse, Josh blinked up at Tyler, uncertain.

“What?” He asked, hesitant.

“Blurry Face, Blurry Face!” Tyler stood up, agitated. “Who is he? Where did he come from? Where does he go?” He asked frustration showing itself in his jerky movements and speech, seeming almost annoyed at not being able to find the answers.

“Tyler, Tyler, sit down.” Josh says softly, not wanting Tyler to get worked up.

“No!” Tyler yells, then takes a step back, looking ashamed. “No. it's just. I didn't create him, I would never, I should have power over my own creation, its not my creation.”

Tyler tries to explain, words stumbling out of his mouth, barely making it out correctly.

Josh nods along, though, if he's being honest, he doesn't have the energy to really listen, he just kind of tries to help. But he's worn thin.

“I don't know Tyler,” He says, defeated. Tyler makes a frustrated sound and starts pacing,

“No no no no no no no Josh, you've got to listen to me! I didn't make him, he came to me. He came to me. He was made by some one else, he can leave. He can be destroyed. He keeps talking, blah blah blah, gotta get power blah blah blah thats why he leaves, he only leave sot get power but where does he go?” Tyler waves his arms around as he talks, trying to convey his emotions through his words and movements alone. Josh sighs heavily, shoving his school work aside, trying to focus on Tyler but unable to wrap his mind around Tyler's words.

Tyler heaves a sigh to match Josh's, looking at the other boy with haunted eyes.

“Josh, I've got to do something. Josh-” Tyler's eyes light up with tears and he looks away, biting his lip and breathing in, trying to recover himself. “Blurry Face is going to kill me Josh, ive got to do something or I know he will kill me.” Tyler draws in a shaky breathe.

“Who's Blurry Face Josh, and why does he want me dead?”

Josh stands then, pulling Tyler into him, hugging him tightly.

He doesn't know why Tyler had to bear this burden, he didn't deserve it, he deserved so much better. Josh doesn't understand all this talk, he doesn't know how he can help, but Tyler's hugging him back, and seemed, if even just a little, comforted by the action.

 

And that's all Josh needs.

 

 

“You really think you can escape? You really think he can save you? Patheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpatheticpathetic you're so funny Tyler? Really, don't you know? No one can save you pretty boy? Not from me. Youre worthless, why would he even want to save you? You know you're just a replacement, just second best. He's pathetic to, don't you think? Choosing you second, what right does he have? Who died and made him god, who do you think created me, that two Faced boy probably hates you. You know you can't be saved, not from me, ive grown powerful, im back Tyler. Tyler tylertylertylertylertyler...... I'm back.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler's POV

 

Tyler hasn't been alone for long time.

He wasn't supposed to be alone today.

But Josh is late.

His family is at his sisters recital and Josh was supposed to be here almost an hour ago and he's not and Tyler's about to freak out.

Blurry Face won't give him a break, he goes from anger to hate to despair, feeling Blurry in his emotions, practically controlling him, to where he's spinning and he can't see anything clearly like he's in a kaleidoscope world and then he's on his knees, just begging for Blurry to stop.

He goes from room to room, just wishing Blurry will get left behind in one of them.

The longer it is the more the anger grows.

Why isn't Josh here?

Didn't he care?

Doesn't he love Tyler?

Or maybe it really was all just a joke, just some little gag to play on the towns crazy boy.

Well screw Josh, who needed him?!

Tyler wiped hot, furious tears away with the back of his hand, annoyed that he would bother to be so sad over some one who obviously didn't care as much about him.

 

 

He's in the living room when Josh finally does get in, practically breaking down the door in his hurry to get in.

“Tyler? Tyler?!” He's calling him before the doors slammed shut but Tyler doesn't answer.

Why should he?

“Tyle-” Josh stops when he sees him, simply sitting in the living room, staring at nothing but seeming unhurt.

“Hey, gosh, you scared me, you weren't answering your phone... Tyler? Are you okay?” Josh's voice scraped on Tyler's conscience, he had no right.

“Of course, Josh, I'm perfectly fine, how are you?” He snips back, voice harsh. Josh flinches slightly, but still has the gaul to look worried.

“Tyler, whats wrong?”

“Yes Tyler, what's wrong? Hmmmm? Is the little baby scared? Did he actually think that joshie woshie cared for him? Why should Josh care for you? Why should you care for him?” Blurry Face giggles.

 

 

“What do you care?!” Tyler yells, voice bitter and hate filled, “When have you ever cared! You don't care, all you want is for some one to listen to your stupid drumming and your stupid sob story and your stupid friend! I'm not that friend Josh! Your friend is dead! So just stop caring Josh, because your friend died and so did you, you don't care any more, you don't- “ Tyler chokes on his words, but he can't stop, he has to finish this, he doesn't have a choice. “No one wants you here Josh, just get out, and leave me alone!” his words are harsh and his tone is harsher and Josh looks stricken and hes backing up.

Tyler feels a sick satisfaction watching Josh leave once more.

For a moment at least.

His own fierce emotions holding him up as he watches in what could only be called, disgust.

Then He starts laughing.

 

 

Josh's POV

Josh doesn't run very far, he's no longer physically capable of running very far. He stops no more than a block away, collapsing onto the ground and hiding his face in his hands.

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy?

Why would Tyler?

Why would he ever? Josh didn't understand. What had he done wrong?

He was supposed to tell Tyler goodbye tonight, he was leaving the next morning. He couldn't leave Tyler without at least telling him goodbye once more.

Josh drew in several deep breathes, struggling back to his feet, he couldn't-he couldn't leave Tyler alone.

 

 

 

 

Tyler's POV

 

Tyler doesn't know why he's in the kitchen, he doesn't know... he just.

Hes alone.

He doesn't want to be alone.

Josh had promised he'd never leave Tyler alone.

Tyler had told him to leave him a lone, yet-

“Don't leave me alone.” The words are broken, shattered in an empty kitchen.

He's alone now.

But Blurry will be back.

Blurry's coming to kill him.

Blurry's going to kill him tonight.

Tyler knows this.

It's either him or Blurry.

But Tyler's not going down without a fight.

Ah yes.

That is why he's in the kitchen.

There's a drawer, right by the kitchens sink, it has his moms special set of carving knives.

Tyler won't let Blurry kill him.

 

 

__________________________________________________

 

“Everyone leaves, everyoneeveryoneeveryoneveryone,” the voice gets closer and the laugh gets louder, “Coming for you, princess, Coming to get you” closer and closer, “You can't run from me, little one, no no no no no no, pathetic you are, really think you can hurt me with that? Come on try it crazy joseph! I'm here!”

_____________________________________

 

The door to the kitchen swings open wide and Blurry face-no Josh-no, Tyler-no Blurry Face, stumbles through the face is distorted changing and he's coming towards Tyler.

Blurry Face is coming to kill Tyler.

Tyler cant let Blurry kill him, he cant.

He lunges forward and Blurry stumbles back, he cant stop, Blurry's going to kill him.

He has to kill Blurry, he has to.

Blurry's laughing even as Tyler lashes out with the knife but Tyler doesn't stop.

He can't stop, Blurry has to die, he has to.

Blood is everywhere, Tyler can taste it, and Blurry's laugh is finally dying. Its warm and sticky everywhere and Tyler cant feel it on his face and in his hair. His grip on the knife is slippery at best and it soon escapes him, clattering to the ground along with his anger.

Blurry Face is silent, completely silent, silent as the grave type of silent, for the first time in years, except he's also disappearing and its not Blurry there anymore, its not Blurry covered in blood, it's not Blurry's blood that's covering Tyler.

It's Josh.

Josh is there, drawing in choked breaths, if any at all.

Choking on his own blood, eyes wide with shock, almost not seeming to realize what just happened.

His eyes seem to be fading and Tyler can't seem to grasp whats going on, but his mind is slowly catching up.

“Josh, Josh, please, Josh this isn't real, you're okay, Josh.” Tyler sobs, scrambling for his phone, Josh can't be here, Josh was late, Josh left him, he wasn't supposed to be here. “Josh, Josh say something,” he's pulling Josh towards him, his strength is little to none, but for once he's holding Josh, barely managing to dial nine one one as he holds him close.

Josh's breathing has all but stopped and his eyes are glassy, making only the smallest of noises almost whimpers.

“Josh please,” Some one on the other end picks up. “Please,” Tyler begs, “please help Josh, he's hurt, please, some one please help Josh,” He can barely see, can barely speak through his tears, Josh can't be dead, he cant be.

It wasn't his time.

Josh was supposed to leave.

“Please” there is no such thing as time for Tyler.

He only knows when he sees the light disappear from Josh's eyes, he only feels when there are people, prying Josh from his arms, and he's screaming, they can't take Josh away, they can't.

Josh can't leave, he promised not to leave Tyler alone.

He can't stop screaming, Josh has to come back he has to, he promised.

Tyler doesn't know, he doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand the funeral.

He doesn't understand why Josh doesn't come over anymore, Josh said he loved Tyler, why didn't he come over any more?

He doesn't understand why the police keep telling him he killed Josh.

He didn't kill Josh.

He killed Blurry Face.

He doesn't understand why his parents sent him away, or why this hospital is for the criminally insane.

He's done nothing wrong.

Tyler doesn't understand, and he doesn't want to.


	17. Maybe Defeating Them Could Be the Beginning of your Meaning

Dying hurt. Like, seriously, it felt like being torn to shreds with a razor sharp knife.

Hahaha, funny coincidence......

 

The cruel irony of all this was not lost on Josh- though it seemed he'd lost everything else. He couldn't believe how literally Tyler had taken up his entire life.

Oh well.

Bygones be bygones and all that...

 

There had been pain, so much pain. He couldn't- that was it- so much pain he couldn't anything. Couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything, couldn't see anything.

There was no life flashing before his eyes, no light ahead, all he knew was pain and his own body convulsing as he tried to drag in air, but only choked on blood.

Then there was clarity.

A gift.

A dying wish.

And the pain was gone and Josh could feel himself leaving with it, but he could also feel Tyler's arms around him, hear his pleas for Josh to be okay and his fruitless apologies.

He felt Tyler’s tears dripping on his face and then Tyler's lips on his, as if he could give him his own life.

Tyler was so near, Josh did not know where he managed the strength to move but he did, he could, for a moment.

His hand floating up, fingers covered in blood only managing to brush against Tyler's neck before plummeting down.

 

Then Josh was gone.

 

Now Josh was here.

He did not know why, he just was.

Always.

At first, he thought lol what another strange coincidence. Then he thought, maybe not so much a coincidence. Maybe more a curse. Then, he thought maybe it was his own choice.

Somehow, sometime, he made a choice.... Maybe in a previous life, maybe......

 

The white washed walls liked to leer down at him, but that didn't bother josh. The other ghosts were as strange as the humans that frequented this mental institution. Except Tyler. Tyler wasn't strange. Josh had almost been angry with him, thinking that if Tyler had done as he'd asked, such as taken his pills, and then this wouldn't have happened. They would still both be alive. But then josh had met Him, a dark figure that shadowed Tyler when he'd first arrived.

 

Josh knew him on sight.

Blurryface was an almost an exact replica of Tyler, except not. He was angrier, bitter and cruel. You could see it on his face, cruelty shining out from his red eyes, mouth turned down it to a permanent scowl, neck and hands covered in black. Showing him stained with someone else's blood.

Josh's blood?

 

Josh wasn't paying attention so he went right through everything, the tree they put to make the welcome/ registration room look alive, the desk covered in brochures, and comfortable looking but actually very uncomfortable chairs. Being a ghost was strange like that, if he had been thinking about it, Josh would've been unable to do that, in a form of solidity of sorts. 

Yeah, being dead was weird.

Blurryface glanced over at Josh about two second before Josh body slammed him. Quite pleased to find that he could body slam Blurryface. It would've been much less dramatic, if he had passed right through him, like he did with humans.

Blurryface was like a snake, slippery and wriggling as josh tried to pin him, anger at being killed, plus this was the thing that tortured Tyler throughout his entire life. This thing did not belong anywhere near here. If Josh had been alive, he would never have been able to nail Blurryface literally right in his face, but Josh was not alive, fighting spirits was much easier when you were a spirit, honestly, Blurryface should have seen this coming. Josh may have had the rage of being killed and hatred for the other spirit for what he'd done to Tyler, but the spirit seemed to match it with his own anger at his own life, bloodstained hands pushing Josh up, pulling his legs up to throw him off before zapping to his feet.

Josh didn't know spirits could do that...

He had a lot to learn.

Blurryface's movement was literally a blur of speed, throwing josh back across the room, causing him to fly through several walls. Being dead, this had little effect on him. Except that the time it took him to get back to the room, Blurry face was already gone.

A few weeks passed, Tyler was settled and Josh was torn. He couldn't leave Tyler, Tyler needed him, even if he didn't know it.

But staying here hurt. It physically hurt every time Tyler was forced to sit through a therapy session, being reminded that he was crazy and blurryface wasn't real... It hurt every night, hearing Tyler sob, no matter what josh did. And he tried everything, tried laying beside him, writing notes, solidifying himself to be seen... nothing worked, Tyler barely slept, spending hours sobbing and screaming, scribbling unintelligibly on paper then tearing it up. Mumbling Josh's name, the amount of times he heard Tyler say sorry was too many to count... It especially hurt on visitors day when Tyler would wait, hiding his hope that his family would come, pretending like he couldn't care less, and end up more crushed than before when it came to an end and no one had come...

Josh couldn't live eternity like this, it would drive him mad.... 

Being dead gave him a lot of time to think about this possibility, and he couldn't help but wonder if that was how demons like Blurryface were made... Driven mad by time until they forgot that they had once been that little human themselves, instead finding their worth in terrorizing them.

He tried talking to the other spirits, but they ignored him. The only one that would even deem him worthy for a hello was a mocha skinned, four-foot boy who must've died within the last two years because Josh heard him often walking around obsessing over Frozen. So Josh was lonely...

He was also clueless about why he was here, it wasn't as if he could protect Tyler, though he hadn't seen blurry face around, so that was a small blessing....

 

So this was Josh's new life, for days, weeks, months, fun loneliness. He started crying along with Tyler at night...

What a fun time, questioning your after life existence, and it wasn't like he could just kill himself to move on... yeah....

But then Josh started noticing stupid stuff. Like how every time Tyler was too oblivious to notice he was gonna bump against the table when he passed, and Josh would move to the table side and Tyler would become aware, for maybe seconds just to step a little more to the side. Or how Tyler would shiver just a little bit less when Josh ran his hands through his hair, or curled up next to him. How Tyler smiled just slightly when Josh sat next to him whenever some one else came to talk to Tyler, be it a therapist or another patient.

Little coincidences, little things.

There was the big thing to.

Blurryface had yet to reappear. Tyler even seemed to be improving with the break from Blurryface, surrounded by other crazy people. Josh could see that Tyler was starting to tap at his shell, saying a word in group therapy. Not telling the other patients to fuck off when they talked to him.

Time passed.

Josh got restless.

Tyler was starting to fall asleep without crying. He was starting to have conversations with the other strange kids in the institution, mainly this dude name Gerard, a nice kid with scarlet hair, a severe eating disorder and a sketchpad full of drawings of a tattooed punk that every one else said had died. 

A small voice started nagging at Josh, asking why he was here any way, and what was he supposed to do for eternity... Questions that couldn't be answered staying with Tyler, and soon the voice started suggesting things to. He should leave, it said, he should leave and go find answers. Surely, it wouldn't take too long. At first josh pushed the idea away, his place was here with Tyler. But the questions and suggestions grew more insistent with every day and josh grew restless.

 

Christmas is what broke him.

 

Tyler had made a huge improvement, Blurryface was nowhere near, and while Tyler was still fragile, he wasn't shattered any more. In fact, his therapist had discussed sending him home in a month or two.

Christmas itself was a bright, cheery event with Tyler throwing himself all in, decorating with Gerard and setting up a secret Santa game and just generally acting almost like a normal person. Acting like he had when Josh was alive and they were together. He sang Christmas carols constantly and often with Gerard or his new friend Patrick. They became quite a trio, performing at random times for everybody, usually in the cafeteria in the middle of lunch. 

Josh hadn’t realized how hard it would be to see Tyler happy. How much it would irritate and hurt. After all, Josh was dead, shouldn't Tyler feel bad about that? But Josh knew better than to pay attention to these feelings, shoving them to the side and instead focusing on his own questions.

Maybe it was time for him to go.

Josh wasn't sure, until he walked in on Tyler wrapping gifts for his new friends, humming and all happy until Josh sat across from him. This time, his presence saddened Tyler, his smile grew sad and a little bitter, and his humming stopped. Josh's presence no longer brought comfort, just a reminder of something Tyler had lost.

Josh felt his own heart ache at the sadness he brought to Tyler. Seeing him happy without Josh hurt, but seeing him sad with Josh hurt even more. It was time to go. And no, josh wasn't crying you were crying. Jeez, Josh was dead, he didn't have these stupid, insecure feelings any more. He. Was. Fine.

 

Sure, it hurt knowing he was now just some random spirit pining after some boy.

Sure, it hurt seeing some one who used to whisper I love you every time Josh started to doubt he was even lovable.

Sure, it hurt that the boy who used to make Josh feel like he was special, like he was worth something, now walked around during the day and acted like Josh no longer mattered because he was dead.

His princess was starting to take charge of his kingdom and Josh wasn't a part of that anymore. But Josh was totally fine. This is why he left, not because he felt hurt, but because they were both Fine and Josh needed to get like, even more fine, or something.

Okay, he was a little sad, whatever.

 

But he left.

 

 

And had no idea of the results, because how was he supposed to have seen that coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N. YOU GUYS THOUGHT IT WAS OVER?! hi. It's not over, we have ONE more chapter. Have fun ^^
> 
> Thank you so much for your lovely comments, I did actually enjoy killing Josh. Sorry if my writing is a bit off, I feel rusty and it took a bit to get back in the groove.
> 
> Love ya'll <3
> 
> (Guys, side note, I was really tempted to do another complete plot twist and have this whole hing where Josh and blurryface end up falling in love, and like, josh totally turning into a bad ass bc of experiences and they like, go and wreck havoc and invade heaven and all that awesome shit, and like have the twist where Josh finds out that he fell in love with Blurryface in a previous life and all this stuff... But, i don't have the time for that... Sorry. <3))

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think so far, honsetly I love comments so much so don't be shy.  
> Stay alive |-/


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